


Bye Bye Baby

by FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Deviates From Canon, Emotional Hurt, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, hopefully some fluff and happiness before all is said and done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:51:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN/pseuds/FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by an anon comment to USS-Caryl on Tumblr.  Anon talked about Carol possibly dying... And Capt. Janne commented with "howling man-pain Daryl grieving Carol" fanfiction.  What was intended to be a drabble turned a multi chapter fic.</p><p>Unbeknownst to Daryl, Rick and Carol had gone out beyond the wall.  Daryl and Aaron are prepping to go on a recruiting run, when Rick returns.  But Rick is alone....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Make Me Cry

Daryl stood by the motorcycle making some last minute adjustments before he and Aaron were to set out on a recruiting run early the following morning. He was behind him with the car loading his gear. Running footsteps could be heard coming towards the gates, with a groan and a squeal the gate was pulled back. Rick ran in at full speed. “Close the gates!.... There’s a herd!” he gasped. He was bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for his breath.

“How large?” asked Daryl, pulling his crossbow from his bike, ready to take action. Rick just shook his head, still gasping, “Dunno…. Hundreds. We got surrounded….. three sides…. Only had one way out.”

“We? There’s only you.”

“Carol…. I was with Carol. We were going shooting.”

“OPEN THE GATE!”

“No, Daryl. There’s a herd!”

“OPEN THE GATE!!! It’s Carol, how could you just leave her out there?”

  
“I didn’t just leave her. We ran, she was right behind me. Then she wasn’t. We were almost surrounded, we just… ran. She was right behind me.”

“No. I have to go get her. OPEN THE GATE GOD DAMMIT!”

Rick put his hands on Daryl’s shoulders. “I can’t let you go out there. It’s A HERD Daryl, it’s SUICIDE!”

Daryl shoved Rick, hard. He stumbled backwards. “No. NO!” He was pacing back and forth like a lion, chest heaving. He put his heels to his eyes, “NO!” Ran his hands through his hair, grabbing fistfuls. “NO! Rick, PLEASE!”

Rick stood in front of him, arms out, palms up trying to keep Daryl from going over the edge. “Daryl, no. I’m sorry. They were everywhere, we were surrounded. There was only a small gap to get through, and....”

“But, it’s Carol How could you just leave her out there?!” Daryl’s voice broke.

Ricks eyes were filling with tears. He took a tentative step towards Daryl, who was still pacing and shaking his head no. “No.” Daryl whispered, adamantly.

“If she wasn’t behind me, then she’s…”

“Don’t you dare say it, Rick! No!”

Daryl was now bent over. Fingers interlaced at the back of his head, he was almost to the point of hyperventilating. “NOOOOOOO!” he bellowed. Rick took another step forward, and touched Daryl’s shoulder. He shot upright and smacked Rick’s arm away, his eyes now red and filled with tears. He sniffled and drew his hand across his nose.

Rick’s eyes spilled over, breath hitched in his throat. “I’m sorry, brother.”

At brother, Daryl broke. His face crumpled, as he looked to the ground, his shoulders heaved and shook. Hands fisted at his sides, he screamed “NO!” as long and as loud as he could. He fell to his knees. Rick kneeled before him, and put his hands on Daryl’s upper arms. Daryl shot him a murderous glare, and shoved Rick hard and to the ground. Rick didn’t get up. He just nodded as he cried, rolled over and got to his feet, walking a few steps away. He kept his back to Daryl, hands on his hips and head hung low. His fingers squeezed at the top of his noses, tears rolled down his cheeks and fell to the ground.

Daryl, tried to gather his strength. Stood and ran to the gate, ran his body right into it. “Open the God damn gate, NOW!” The gate was locked. You could hear the first wave of walkers on the other side. Growling, gasping, clawing, snapping trying to get in.

“OPEN IT!” The gate keepers shook their heads, and locked the gate. “Let me OUT!” He pounded his fists on the gate, kicked it. Launched himself at the gatekeeper that refused his wishes. A hand grasped his arm by the bicep and tore him back. Daryl pulled his arm back ready to punch whomever dared touch him, and was surprised to find Aaron there standing with his palms up facing him, in submission. “Daryl, do you hear them? The roamers?”

Daryl was facing the gate again rocking back and forth on his feet. He nodded. “Please, let me out there.” He whispered, placing his forehead to the wall.

“We can’t do that, you know that.” There was now silenced gunfire coming from the clock tower, snipers were taking out the walkers beyond the wall.

Daryl drew his head back and smashed it into the wall as hard as he could. Aaron grabbed for his arm, and spun him around. “If what Rick said is true, and I believe that it is. Carol is gone. I’m so sorry.” Daryl’s forehead was bleeding profusely from bashing it into the wall. Aaron placed his hands on Daryl’s shoulders. He flinched and turned his head away. There was a sniffle, and then the sobs just let loose. Shoulders heaving, and he crumpled to his hands and knees before Aaron. He then dropped to his elbows and knees, there was a guttural wail. Aaron knelt beside him, looking to Rick with a questioning expression on his face, not sure what to do. Rick just shook his head as he cried, and walked away. There was nothing he could do. Aaron looked down at his recruiting partner, who then retched and vomited. Aaron stayed on his knees beside Daryl, and rubbed Daryl’s back with one hand. Daryl slowly calmed down and returned to sitting on his knees, hands on his thighs. His breath still hitching and hiccupping in his throat as Aaron rubbed his back. Eric appeared at his other side, and handed him a handkerchief. Daryl hesitated but took it with one shaking hand. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes for a moment, wiping away his tears that still flowed freely and his chin still quivered. He wiped his nose and mouth, and made to stand, but faltered.

“Come on, we gotcha” said Aaron, grabbing him under his arm. Eric did the same, and glanced at Aaron. Aaron’s lips were pressed together, grim expression on his face. He tilted his head toward their home, and Eric nodded. They each took an arm over their shoulder and slowly walked Daryl back toward their house. Daryl was practically catatonic, and blindly walked with them.

They brought him inside, away from the prying eyes of the Alexandrians and got him seated in an arm chair. His face a mess of dirt, rust, blood, sweat, and tears, but he didn’t care. He stared blankly out the window, chewing at his thumb, breath catching every few seconds. Aaron busied himself in the kitchen getting a bowl of warm water and a wash cloth, Eric got the first aid kit.

Eric pulled a chair up in front of Daryl, placing the kit on the table next to him. He wrung the facecloth out over the bowl that Aaron held. “Daryl, sweetheart…. You’re bleeding. I’m going to clean you up, and get you a bandage.” He waited a moment, but no response came from Daryl. Just one last single tear trickled down his cheek. Eric’s eyes welled seeing Daryl’s heartache written on his face.

“Get him something,” said Eric to Aaron.

Eric reached out, and wiped down Daryl’s face gently. Daryl just closed his eyes, which were looking so bloodshot, puffy and red rimmed now. Once his face was clean, Eric dabbed at the gash on his forehead, and taped some gauze over it. It had stopped bleeding, and thankfully did not require stitches.

“Daryl? Drink this,” said Aaron, holding out a glass of amber colored liquid. It took Daryl a moment to comprehend that Aaron was speaking to him. He took the glass with shaking hands and downed it in one big gulp. His face grimaced as the whiskey burned its way down his throat. He handed the glass to Aaron, “hit me again.” Aaron filled the glass, and Daryl downed that as well. He sunk down into the chair, with a hand placed over his eyes. He was still. Eric put a hand on Daryl’s forearm.

“Just sit, rest. Stay here as long as you like, as long as you need to. You need anything honey, you just let me know.” Daryl nodded.

There was a knock at the door, which Aaron answered. Rick stood on the porch, head hung low. “Can I… Can I see him? Is he okay?”

“Rick… of course he’s not okay. He just lost the single most important person in his life.”

Rick nodded, sniffed loudly. He looked up, avoiding Aaron’s eyes. “Is it okay if I sit here? Outside? Just… tell him I’m sorry, I am.” He stopped when his voice cracked.

“Of course, Rick.  And I’m sorry for your loss. Please, have a seat. Rest. I’ll let Daryl know you’re here.”

Back inside, Aaron knelt before Daryl, trying to gain eye contact. Daryl had his hands in his lap, fiddling with his cuticles. He was looking slightly woozy from the whiskey which must have been starting to take effect. “Rick is outside. He’d like to see you.”

Daryl just shook his head.

“Daryl, he’s heartbroken. This was not his fault, but I’m sure he’s blaming himself. We all know what it is to lose people. We all know what Carol was to you. There wasn’t a label for it, but… you’re gonna need him as much as he’s gonna need you.”

Daryl contemplated what he said at the moment. He couldn’t bring himself to respond right away. His voice was still inside his head, screaming and wailing at the loss. His Carol, his girl, she was gone. He knew it would happen someday, but had not expected it so soon after finding the relative safety behind Alexandria’s walls. The gunfire from the sniper tower could still be heard, shots now getting fewer and further between. The herd now close to decimated he guessed, he hoped.

Daryl leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He knew he’d have to face Rick eventually, and sooner rather than later. He was hurt, he was angry, much of it was directed at Rick, but he knew Aaron was right. They needed each other, they were family.

“Come on, I’ll walk you out” said Eric, holding out a hand to Daryl.   Daryl grabbed it, and Eric, slight as he was, helped hoist him to his feet. He put an arm around Daryl’s waist, and placed his hand on his arm, and guided his unsteady steps toward the door. Daryl took a deep breath before he stepped out on the porch, and Eric guided him to a seat. He sat next to him, and took one of Daryl’s hands in his own. He looked to both Rick and Daryl, “You boys need anything, I’m right inside. Mm’kay?” Rick and Daryl nodded. Eric squeezed Daryl’s hand, and gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. As he walked away, Rick moved to sit beside Daryl.

They sat in stony silence. Daryl had his head turned slightly away from Rick, he couldn’t look at him. Rick turned in his seat, he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He just hung his head. Eventually he reached out and put a hand to Daryl’s knee. Daryl flinched slightly, but otherwise did not respond.

“I am sorry.” His voice was thick with emotion. “If I could trade places with her…”

  
“Don’t.” Daryl whispered.

“This was my fault.”

“Shut. Up. You trade places with her, and your kids are without a Dad, how is that any better?” His voice was filled with vitriol, eyes burned with rage. “I’m going out tomorrow, I’ll find what’s left, and give her a burial. She deserves at least that.”

“It’s not…”  
Daryl interrupted him, “It’s not up for discussion. You’ll show me where you lost her, then you’ll leave me be.”

He stood and walked back into the house. He couldn’t continue the conversation with Rick, it was too overwhelming. He could barely keep his own emotions in check, he couldn’t deal with Rick’s too. Or anybody else’s for that matter. He flopped back into the arm chair, and his head fell into his hands. He had screamed, he had yelled, he had cried out at the wall, and yet none of that had relieved the crushing ache within his chest. The whiskey, though welcomed, didn’t even begin to take the edge off.

“What can I do for you?” a gentle voice asked. Eric was in the chair at his side, Aaron stood behind him. “Just… “ he shook his head. He didn’t even know what he needed. “Can I just sit here? Can I stay? I can’t deal with them right now.”

Aaron spoke up, “You don’t even need to ask. There’s a guest room. Upstairs, first door on the left. It faces the back wall, view of the woods. It has it’s own bathroom, and there’s fresh clothes in the closet that should fit you. It’s all yours if you need it. Glenn also put your motorcycle back in the garage, your cross bow is with it. We'll do our run another time. There’s food in the fridge, whiskey is on the counter. There’s a fire pit in the back yard which is kind of relaxing to sit around, again, whatever you need…” his voice trailed off. Daryl’s eyes had all but glazed over. He’d had enough for the day. He just shut his eyes, and tuned out the world. When he opened them again, it was dark. Evening had come, the lights within the house were dim, but he could see a flickering from the back yard. There was a fire in the pit, Aaron and Eric sat cuddled together watching the flames. Blank expressions on their faces.

Daryl ascended the stairs to the guest room. He found a grey shirt and jeans in the closet, and there were fresh towels in the bathroom. He turned the shower on, and tossed his dirty clothes to the floor. He let the water run over him scalding hot. When the water started to run cold, he stepped out and dried off. He pulled the lighter and cigarettes from his vest pocket, and padded down the stairs barefoot. He grabbed the whiskey bottle from the counter, and walked outside to join Aaron and Eric.

They greeted him with a small smile, and he sat semi reclined in a chair opposite them. He took a long swig from the bottle, and offered it to them. They shook their heads no, he shrugged, and lit a cigarette. He was thankful for their silence. His entire body ached, the gash on his forehead stung, and his hair was dripping droplets of cold water down his back. He stared blankly into the fire, taking drags from his cigarette and swigs from the bottle, feeling the alcohol burn a hole through him. He heard a noise from behind him. There stood Carl, with Judith on his hip, his eyes sparkled with tears. Daryl groaned and looked away. He put the heels of his hands to his eyes for a moment. When he turned to gesture Carl and Judith to come sit behind him, he found Maggie and Glenn standing teary eyed behind them. Sasha and Michonne followed, then Abraham, Eugene, Tara, Noah, and Rosita. Daryl turned back to his seat. Hands interlaced and over his face, he took a deep shuddering breath. They were all here, they all shared his loss. From the corner of his eye, he saw Carl take a seat beside him.

Maggie came up behind Daryl first. She put her hands on his shoulders, and gave them a squeeze. He didn’t flinch or pull away, she reached down and put her arms around him. His breath caught in his throat. He kept his hands up over his face. She released him, kissed him on the top of his head, and moved around the fire by Aaron and Eric. Glen patted him on the shoulder. Michonne squeezed his shoulders, the remaining people filed through patting him on the arm. A gesture of strength, and solidarity. They were all in this together. When his sniffles subsided, he removed his hands from his face. He didn’t dare look up, but he could see everyone’s feet standing in a large ring around the fire. He was surrounded. The only one missing was Rick.

There was a gurgle from beside him, he looked over to see Judith reaching out to him with her chubby little arms. He gave her a small smile, and took her from Carl holding her snug in his arms.

“Oh, baby girl….” He whispered. He put his nose to the top of her head, closed his eyes and just breathed in her sweet powdery scent. There was a round of sniffles from around him which left his eyes burning with emotion again. He tried to focus on the sounds other than the sadness that surrounded him. The crackling of the fire, the croaking of the frogs, the chirping of the crickets. The sounds of laughter from other homes, and people walking the streets. The walls groaned, as they sometimes do when the temperatures dropped at night. A dog barked, and there was even a hooting of an owl.

From nearby, a throat cleared. Rick had arrived. He couldn’t look Daryl in the eye, but Daryl could see Rick’s eyes red rimmed with tears too. He stood in profile to them, eyes downcast, fiddling with his fingers. His chin quivered slightly. Whatever this gathering was, planned or not. He needed to be a part of it. Daryl looked down at Judith and sighed, “come on, lets go see your pop.”

He stood, and walked slowly toward Rick. The loss was still so fresh with all them, it had been less than a day after all. Rick couldn’t look him in the face, but he raised his hands to pinch the top of his nose. Daryl put Judith on his hip. Daryl was usually resistant to touch, but words often failed him even more. He could see Rick struggling before him, and knew he was wrought with guilt.

He hesitated but raised an arm, Rick flinched. But just closed his eyes, ready to take whatever Daryl was going to throw his way. He gasped when he felt Daryl’s arm wrap around him in a somewhat awkward one armed hug. There were a few silent sobs between the two of them before Judith pushed them apart and reached for her daddy. Both men wiped their eyes, and smiled at Judith as she gurgled and cooed at the two of them.

“Come on man,” Daryl put a hand gently on the small of Rick’s back and walked him back over to the fire. Everyone had seated themselves in chairs, on the grass, faces aglow from the light of the fire.

Daryl sat, took a swig from the bottle of whiskey and handed it to Rick. He held it up in a cheers-like gesture and took a swig. He held it in his hand a moment, sad smile on his face. In a soft voice, “to Carol.”

He passed the bottle to the next person, and everyone took a sip and said “To Carol.” When the bottle came back around to Carl, Daryl snatched it from his hand “uh-uh, mini-Grimes. Not fer you.” There were a few smiles and huffs of laughter, and Daryl downed what little was left in the bottle. “To Carol.”

Wood was added to the fire, and people fell into quiet conversations around him. Carl left with Judith shortly thereafter to put her down for the night. Abe’s group soon followed, giving Daryl pats on the back as they filed out. Tara stopped in front of him, put her arms around him in an awkward hug, before she too walked away.

He had just about had enough with the touchy feely business and was considering escaping inside for the night. He needed some time alone, to process the events of the day. He stood tall, stretched his arms above him and groaned at all the aches and pains he felt. He gave Rick a pat on the shoulder to say Goodnight, and turned to walk toward the house. There was a rustle in the grass, recognized Spencer as he stepped into the light.

“Um, guys?” Spencer asked. Daryl took a step back. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but…. we found something.”


	2. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl continues to try and process the loss of Carol, with the help of Aaron and Rick.

They could smell it before they saw it.  Tobin was coming up sidewalk with something in his hands.  He had on leather work gloves, and was holding the item at arm’s length.  It stank of rot and decay, walker blood and guts.  Spencer was with Daryl, “We went outside the gates, to start dragging the roamer bodies away for burning.  And well….”

Tobin stopped just before Daryl.  “After the herd was taken care of, some of us decided to go outside the walls, to move the bodies but also to look for Carol’s body.  It’s not something we’ve ever done for anyone before, we never go back, that’s been the rule.  But… We were all kind of sweet on Carol.  Abraham helped out, and we found this...”

Daryl nodded, taking a step forward to peer into the box.  It was Carol’s sweater.  That ugly hideous floral sweater that he loathed and despised, it was covered in walker blood and tissue, and some human blood.  He tried hard to remain stoic, but his eyebrows crinkled together, and he chewed his bottom lip taking the box from Tobin’s hands.

“Thanks,” was all he could muster up in reply.  Tobin gave him a nod, “We are all, so very sorry for your group’s loss.”  Daryl nodded back.  He turned back towards the house with the box in his hands, and a tremendous lump in his throat.  When he got to the fire, he stood there silent.  Hands went to noses to block the smell.

“What is it?” asked Rick, joining him at his side.  “Oh….”

Daryl cleared his throat.  “What do I even do with this?”

“It’s up to you. We can bury it, or we can burn it.”  Rick had his hand on Daryl’s back, as he had begun to waver on his feet.  He held the box in his hands a moment, then his face screwed up in anger and he threw the box into the flames as hard as he could.  It sent a spray of sparks into the air, and the fire smoked and blazed with the stench of burning sweater and walker flesh.  Everyone took a few steps back in surprise, and to avoid the smell.  Daryl took to pacing the yard, shoulders hunched, hands fisted.  He was a ball of frustrated ball of emotions that he didn’t even know how to begin to process. 

Rick approached Daryl, and spoke calmly, and quietly.  “Daryl, first thing tomorrow, at sun-up, I’ll take you to where we got overrun.”

Daryl slowed his pacing only slightly.  “We’ll come too, if you’d like us to,” said Maggie, looking to Glenn and squeezing his hand.

“Don’t need to do that,” said Daryl, quietly.  Despite his current wildly out of control mood, he appreciated the gesture, though he much preferred to go it alone.  He wasn’t sure how he was going to react if they found Carol’s remains.  And he knew Maggie would just fall to pieces if they found something, and that wasn’t something he could handle right now.

“We love her, she’s our family too.  You know where to find us if you need us,” and Maggie and Glenn walked away.  The group had now dwindled to only Rick, Daryl, Eric and Aaron by the fire.  It was getting late, but Daryl had no intention of resting that night.  He couldn’t with so much on his mind. He did manage to sit down again, at Rick’s request.  He held his head in his hands, fisting his own hair and trying to calm his breathing, rocking himself back and forth on his seat. 

“Rick, why don’t we all go get some rest,” suggested Aaron.  His face was expressionless, but they could all see that Daryl was not capable of handling much more that night.  Pressing him further would be dangerous, Rick knew what Daryl was capable of when he was in distress, and they didn’t need any violent outbursts at this late hour.

“Alright.  I’ll meet you at the gate.  Sun up.”  He reached to Daryl, but he stood up and walked away from him, facing the wall.  Rick sighed, and stared after him a moment before leaving, going back to his own home.  Daryl stood rooted in his spot by the wall.  Aaron and Eric shared a glance.  “I’m going to try to talk to him, see if I can get him inside.” 

“I’ll make sure his room is ready.”  Eric passed through the doors into the house.  The backyard lit up with the lights as he turned them on within the home.  Aaron slowly approached Daryl by the wall.  “Please, come inside?” he asked, placing a hand on the back of Daryl’s arm as if to help lead the way.  Daryl only managed to shake his head no, eyes remained locked on the wall.

“Do you want to be alone?” he asked.

Daryl shook his head no again, his chin quivering. 

“It’s just us, at least get away from the chill and come sit by the fire.” 

Daryl suddenly drew in a breath he had been holding, and joined Aaron on the bench by the fire.   He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, head down in his hands.  Aaron sat back next to him, arms crossed over his chest.

“Have you lost people, before?  Ugh…. Forgive me, that’s a really stupid question…  Have you lost anyone that was this… treasured by you?” Aaron was trying to make conversation, but only succeeded in being tremendously awkward.

Daryl sighed, and nodded.  “Family, you mean?  My group is my family.  But blood… I lost my mom when I was little, my Dad… I hope he’s burning in hell right now.  And my brother, Merle.  He turned, I had to… put him down.  But Carol… nah, that’s nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

“What was Carol to you?”

“What business is that of yours?” Daryl snapped, whirling in his seat to face Aaron.

“I meant no offense.  You’re absolutely right, it is none of my business.  I’m just asking because sometimes, for some people, it helps to talk about things.  You’re not a talker, I get that.  But…  It’s obvious Carol was important to you.  By my own observation, neither of you wore rings.   So you’re not married.  You don’t refer to each other with terms of endearment or relationship statuses, like ‘wife, girlfriend, partner’ or whatever.  You’re more than best friends, from what I gather, but not like lovers?” he asked.

Daryl gave Aaron an odd look then turned back to the fire.  He sat back on the bench, he and Aaron were nearly shoulder to shoulder.  Daryl fiddled with his fingers, and the seam of his pants by his knees, trying to put the words together to describe what he and Carol had. 

“She was my girl,” was all he could come up with.  “We shared a common history, some ugliness in our past.  She never judged me, stood by me even when I was being a dick.  She’s just good people.  She saved us all more than once.  And I didn’t have to hide or be afraid with her, ever.  I could just… be me.”

“Mmm,” Aaron hummed, “she was good for you.  She was your person.”

Daryl nodded, “Don’t know what I’m going to do now, she always had my back, I always had her.  Now I got nothing. Oh, man….” He picked at the skin around his nails.  Aaron heard him sniffle, he put his hand on Daryl’s back and just rubbed it again, like he had done earlier down by the gate. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he murmured quietly.  He then stood up in front of Daryl, and put out his hand.  Daryl took it, and let Aaron pull him up to standing.  Aaron didn’t let go of his hand right away, but instead pulled him into a hug.  Daryl kept his arms at his sides, but heard Aaron whisper against his ear “I promise you, things may seem dismal right now, but it’s really going to be okay again someday.”

Daryl clenched his eyes shut and held his breath trying to hold his emotions at bay, but failed. With a quiet breathy sob, he buried his face into Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron held him tighter and was relieved to feel Daryl finally raise his arms and wrap them around him hard, fisting Aaron’s shirt in his hands as his chest heaved.  They stood together in each other’s arms for a few moments.  It was so unlike Daryl, who was usually abhorrent to touch, but there was something about grief that made him less resistant to it.  He couldn’t fight it as he usually would. He simply lacked the strength to turn away from it. 

He pulled back, taking a deep breath and wiping his hands across his eyes.  “Sorry, man….”  He couldn’t bring himself to look into Aaron’s eyes, he felt so ashamed for his lack of control.

“No worries.  Let’s get you some rest.  We’ll wake you at sun-up so you can meet Rick.  If you want us to come with, we can.  Otherwise we’ll be here for you when you get back.”

Daryl nodded, and Aaron walked him into the house.  Eric had since gone to bed.  They ascended the stairs together, and Aaron gave Daryl a pat on the back before he went into the guest room.  “I’m just down at the end of the hall, if you need anything.”

Daryl didn’t expect to get any rest that night.  The bed was comfortable; he sank into the pillows and pulled the blankets up as far as he could.  The windows were open as wide as they could go.  He could smell the remains of the campfire outside, and hear the frogs and crickets.  There was a soft breeze that ruffled his hair, and it reminded him of that time Carol had brushed the hair out of his face and kissed his forehead.  What he wouldn’t give to have her there to do that just one more time.

He felt his eyes welling up again, he groaned and bit his lip willing the tears to go away.  He thought of Merle, who would have called him a pussy for being so emotional.  Screw Merle, he was just as fucked up as Daryl was.  He thought of Sophia, and how Carol was with her now.  He felt like he had failed Sophia, and thereby failed Carol as well.  He had been so confident that he would find her back when they were still at the farm. But the day Sophia walked out of that barn with the other walkers and he felt Carol fall to pieces in his arms, he’d never felt like such a failure in all his life.  Much like he felt right now.

Daryl tossed and turned, trying to distract himself and change his train of thought.  Anything but memories haunting him, he just wanted to forget.  Eventually he did fall unconscious, but slept fitfully.  Unbeknownst to him, Aaron had to check on him several times during the remainder of the night.  He could hear him tossing and turning, thrashing and calling out at one point, mumbling at others.  None of which made sense to Aaron, but he’d quietly shush him back to sleep, and pull the blankets back up over him.

Just before sunrise, Daryl was awakened to the smell of coffee.  Groaned as he sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes with the heel of his hand.  Aaron rapped gently on the door, and poked his head in.  “Hey there sleepy head, Eric has coffee and breakfast ready for you.  He washed your clothes last night, they’re in the bathroom.  And um, there’s a hairbrush on the dresser too for your… uh, bedhead.” He gestured to Daryl’s hair, and promptly disappeared from behind the door. Daryl, groaned again and threw himself back on the bed.  Memories of the previous day came flooding back, and he had to take a few deep breaths to collect himself before rolling out of the bed.

He pulled on his clean clothes, laced up his boots, and finally caught sight of himself in the mirror.  Aaron was right, sleeping scrunched into the pillows left his head looking lopsided and horribly misshapen.  With a splash of water and a run through with the brush, he was back in order.  He clomped down the stairs noisily in his boots, much unlike the hunter’s stealth with which he usually moved.  He didn’t have the energy to care or even try to be quiet.

“Good morning, darling!” Eric greeted him with a smile and handed him a cup of coffee.  Daryl sat at the table with it, and stared at it blankly.  “Got some muffins for you.  Please do eat something.  I got a few things together for your pack.  Oh, and let me change your bandage before you head out too.”

“I can do it myself,” he grumbled.

Eric just clucked his tongue, and got a face cloth and the bandages.  Aaron watched mildly amused.  Eric sat down next to him, grabbed Daryl’s chair and turned it closer to him.  Daryl looked disgruntled, but did not object.  Eric was harmless as far as he was concerned, and he didn’t really care to deal with his own bandage himself.  Eric wiped down his forehead.

“Oh, just lean your head back and close your eyes, you look like crap.” 

Aaron huffed out a giggle, Daryl scoffed, but did as he was told.  Eric wiped his whole face down, talking quietly to him the whole time, nonsense chatter that Daryl didn’t really have to respond to.  “Oh baby, your eyes are so puffy.  Tears will do that. And there’s dirt and ash from the fire….  Let’s get you all cleaned up.  Taking your bandage off now.  Let’s leave this cool cloth on your eyes for a minute, it’ll help take some of the redness away.  Ooh, your gash is looking better.  Just keep it bandaged today, and tonight, and tomorrow you should be able to go without.  Let it get some air, it’ll help it heal. There, that looks much better….  Okay hon, you’re all set.  But please, PLEASE… be careful out there today.  Don’t make any rash decisions.  I want you and Aaron, and Rick all back in one piece, mm’kay?”  He had removed the cloth, and tapped the underside of Daryl’s chin at the last remark.  Daryl’s eyes popped open. 

“And I’ll make you some serious spaghetti tonight if you like.  I pilfered a couple extra bottles of wine too.”

He winked at Daryl good naturedly, Daryl huffed and got up. 

“I’m ready, whenever you are,” he said to Aaron.  Aaron gestured to the door.  They walked in silence to the gate where Rick was waiting with Aaron’s car. 

“We can drive part of the way.  I told Maggie and Glenn to stay put, they’re needed here in case another herd passes through. And I got tarps and plastic, in case….” He lost his voice and noisily swallowed, Adams apple bobbing on his throat.  It was not often that they went back for bodies of their fallen, it wasn’t often that they even could.  There was no guarantee that there was anything to be found of Carol, but he needed to do this with Daryl, and for Daryl.

With Rick at the wheel they left Alexandria behind them.  It was but a short drive but they opted to take the car in case they happened upon another herd, but also to ease in transporting back anything they might find.  Aaron sat in the back seat, arms crossed on the back of the bench seat in front of him.  Daryl sat in the passenger seat, foot on the dash, and eyes staring blankly out the window.

“Tobin said he found the sweater about mile or so out.  I ran in from down over that way,” Rick gestured off to the left and into the woods.  “We’ll park here.”

They got out and followed Rick.  Daryl had his crossbow cocked and loaded, and both Aaron and Rick had their guns in hand.  Daryl couldn’t track anything, as the herd of walkers destroyed any evidence of where Rick and Carol had walked or run the previous day.

“Over there, that’s where it began….” Rick pointed through the trees.  Daryl slowed his steps eyes poring over every detail, not wanting to miss out on a single thing.  There were several walkers slumped on the ground where they had been dispatched the previous day.  The ground was gnarled by the many feet that had shuffled over it.  But there were no human body parts to be found.  Not a stitch of her clothing, no shoes, nothing to indicate that Carol had even been there.  They circled around the area several times widening as they went, but still nothing.  There wasn’t even the expected pool or puddle of blood which is usually left behind after a walker attack.  Daryl wasn’t sure if he was thankful for that, or not.  To know how violently Carol had left this world, did he really need the details?  He knew he needed something to bring home and bury, for closure.  He couldn’t leave her out there all alone, even Sophia got buried.  Carol deserved to be put to rest too.

The ever widening circle still revealed nothing, and Daryl was getting frustrated.  Aaron and Rick were not having any luck looking beyond either side of Daryl.  By late afternoon, he had all but given up.  He plopped down at the base of a tree and lit a cigarette.  He held a shaking hand over his closed eyes, trying to garner the energy to either continue the search or just go back to the car and drive back.  He didn’t want to go back within the walls of Alexandria, but he didn’t want to be out here alone either.  It wasn’t safe for him in his current state.

“Come on, let’s head back,” he grumbled, standing and waving an arm to direct the other men back to the car.  They caught up to him, when suddenly Daryl stopped.  “No.  No, I can’t do this.  You go on back, I’ll catch up later.”

“I can stay with you, we can both stay out here, with you… if you want,” suggested Aaron.

Daryl shook his head.  “Nah, can’t breathe in there.  I just need… I need air.  Can’t breathe out here either, but in there’s worse.” 

Daryl was starting to gasp for breath.  He was bent at the waist, hands on his knees chest heaving with deep breaths like he had just run a marathon. 

“I just need to breathe.  I need a minute.  I need… breathe….”

“Hey, hey… come on, sit down,” Rick was behind Daryl, hands under his arms, lugging him over to a tree stump to sit down.  “Put your head between your knees, slow your breathing down.  Deep breaths okay, but just slow down.”  Daryl did as he was told.  His skin was grey, and clammy to the touch. 

“I can’t do this.  I can’t….”

“Talk to me Daryl.  Keep talking.  Hey, look at me.  Daryl?”

“He’s going into shock, let’s lay him right down.  Get him out of his jacket.” Aaron started tugging at his vest and jacket to remove them.  He balled them up and put them under Daryl’s legs, with his pack under Daryl’s head. 

“Just breathe Daryl, you’re gonna be okay,” ordered Rick.  He had his hand on Daryl’s wrist, feeling just a weak pulse.  But Daryl just groaned “I can’t…” and his eyes rolled back into his head, and he passed out.


	3. Roam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl regains consciousness, and Rick and Aaron have an eye-opening conversation.

“Daryl…. Daryl, are you with me?... Daryl?”

Daryl’s eyes were closed. He could hear Rick’s voice but it sounded so far way.

“Should we carry him back to the car?”

Aaron was there too, apparently.

“Let’s give him a minute. Hand me that bottle of water.”

Daryl got a face full of water and sat bolt upright sputtering and gasping.

“What in the fucking hell?!?!?” he shouted, arms and fists flying trying to connect with whoever threw water in his face.

“Hey, you’re back!” said Aaron with a relieved smile.

“Didn’t know I went anywhere, seriously dude, what the fuck?”

“You passed out Daryl. We’re still in the woods. Let’s get you in the car, we’re going back.”

“No way, man. I’m fine,” he protested.

“I have to agree with Rick on this one, let’s get you back and checked out. If Pete says you’re okay, then we can come out again tomorrow.”

Daryl gave Aaron a disapproving look. Aaron put a hand down to help Daryl up, which he promptly smacked away.

“I got it, let me be.” He wobbled slightly when he got to his feet. Rick had a hand at his back, but Daryl shoved him back. “Leave me be!” His eyes shot daggers at Rick. Rick just put his hands up in submission and tried to hide a small smile. Angry Daryl was easier to handle than Unconscious Daryl, even if he was scarier.

Rick was driving the car back, and Daryl appeared lost in thought. “I don’t get it, man. There was nothing out there.”

Rick just nodded, he didn’t really have an answer.

“Where exactly did Tobin find that sweater?”

“I didn’t ask for specifics on the map, just got general area. I’ll talk to him while Pete checks you out, and we’ll make a plan for tomorrow.”

“Mm-mm, I’m going back out tonight.”

Rick slammed on the brakes, and turned to Daryl. “You most certainly are not! You got a death wish or something? You may be an excellent hunter and an even better tracker, but you passed out today, Daryl! You’re clouded with rage, and with grief, and we can’t go losing you too!”

“Fuck you, man.”   Daryl kicked the dashboard, and turned away from Rick. He knew Rick was right, he was being irrational, but he couldn’t sit idly by waiting for the grief to consume him, and that’s exactly what it would do.

Rick looked back at Aaron, who put his hands up in the air. With one last look at Daryl, Rick put the car back in gear and drove them back to Alexandria. The car was no sooner turned off and Daryl was climbing out the door and storming off. “Go get yourself checked out!” Rick hollered after Daryl. Daryl flipped him the bird, and kept walking.

“I’ll get him checked,” said Aaron as he climbed out.

Daryl heard footsteps behind him, and he whipped around to give Rick a verbal lashing. But it was Aaron jogging up to him instead. “You come to drag me off to the infirmary?”

“Please? Just come with me. We’ll be in and out in less than 15 minutes. Come back to the house, Eric will cook you up your Serious Spaghetti as promised, and we’ll keep the visitors away.”

Daryl maintained his pissed off look, but nodded. Within minutes he was seated on an exam table with Pete poking and prodding, giving him a full work over much to his dismay.

“Blood pressure is high, but that’s to be expected. Pulse is strong. Pupillary response is normal…. All your reflexes check out.”

“See, told you m’fine,” Daryl snorted at Aaron.

“Physically, you appear to be fine, yes. But you just experienced a significant loss, stress and grief can and does affect people both emotionally and physically. You passed out today, yes?”

Daryl nodded.

“Has that ever happened before?”

“Just from drinkin’, far as I know.”

Pete smiled, “Okay, do try to get some rest. Take it easy the next few days, I mean it. And be sure to eat and drink plenty of fluids, alcohol in moderation. Give yourself some time. You guys have been to hell and back, it’s a wonder you’re all not dealing with serious PTSD.”

“Whatever, am I free to go?”

“Yes, but don’t hesitate to come back and see me if anything changes.”

Daryl launched himself off the examination table and was through the front door before Aaron had a chance to thank Pete for examining Daryl. Once again he found himself jogging just to catch up with Daryl.

“I’m taking the bike out.”

“Like hell you are! Come on, the sun is setting soon. You haven’t eaten all day. Let’s get you back to the house, eat, relax. We’ll go out again tomorrow, I’ll come with you.”

“You gonna ride bitch on my bike?” he snorted.

Aaron smirked. “You know what I mean. I’ll come with, we’ll say it’s a recruiting run or something. It’ll get Rick off your back, unless you want him to come too.”

Daryl shook his head. “Nah, I need a break from him. From them.”

“You got it. Now come on, Serious Spaghetti awaits!”

Eric pulled the door open as they climbed the steps, “My honeys, you’re home!”

“Why are you always so dang cheerful?” Daryl grumbled.

“It helps to have a positive outlook on life!”

“Daryl is lacking in positivity right now, let’s get him some comfort food, and maybe some W-I-N-E,” said Aaron, leaning in to give Eric a peck on the lips.

“I can spell, dammit. I ain’t stupid.”

“Tut-tut! Nobody said you were! Now get your booty upstairs, hose yourself off, and by the time you get back down here dinner will be served. I’ll get the extra large wine glasses tonight.” Eric was off to the kitchen to get dinner started.

“Pffft, whatever…” grumbled Daryl, and up the stairs he went.

“So tell me, what happened?” asked Eric, after Daryl was out of earshot.

“Nothing really. We went to where the herd met up with Rick and Carol, but we didn’t find anything.”

“Isn’t that kind of morbid? Going to look for… body parts?”

“Yes, and no. I think it will help, for closure. He’s… he’s struggling.”

“He’s handling it a lot better than I would, if I lost the love of my life,” said Eric sadly.

Aaron pulled Eric into a firm hug, and kissed him fiercely on the mouth. “I’d be lost without you too, I don’t even want to think about that right now.” Aaron’s eyes were moist with tears, “Come on, let’s cook dinner.”

  

* * *

 

 

Daryl was silent through dinner, barely responding to questions or listening to Eric prattle on about the latest gossip in Alexandria. After consuming his meal and three large glasses of wine, he sat back and belched. Eric dropped his fork in surprise, and Aaron started to giggle, but after the dirty look from Eric he stopped and simply said, “Excuse you, Daryl.”

“M’sorry.” He got up from the table, and put his plate in the sink. He walked back to the table, grabbed the bottle of wine, and headed out to the back yard. Eric had gotten a fire going earlier, and watched while Daryl threw himself into a seat and took a long swig from the bottle.

“What are we going to do with him?” asked Eric.

“Adopt him?” asked Aaron, jokingly.

“Well, he is kind of cute. I’m a sucker for puppy dog eyes, and that sheep dog look.”

“Are you saying he’s cuter than me?”

“Mmm, there’s something about his rugged exterior. Have you seen his arms? The broad shoudlers? Oh… I melt.”

Aaron rolled his eyes at Eric, “have a little crush on our house guest, do we?”

“Oh honey, who doesn’t?” he declared with a goofy grin. “In all seriousness though, I’ve got no problem with him staying as long as he needs to here. He’s hella sexy, but he looks like he needs a break. From life.”

“Mmm, I need to talk to Rick sometime tonight. Can you keep him company?”

Eric grabbed the other bottle of wine, wagged an eyebrow at Aaron and made for the back yard with a mischievous grin on his face. Aaron shook his head and laughed, as he watched Eric march himself right out to the fire pit and plop down next to Daryl.

  

* * *

 

 

Daryl gave Eric a sidelong glance when he fell into the seat next to him. He had been hoping for time alone, he needed the peace and the quiet. As long as Eric didn’t go on a babbling tirade, he’d be content to just sit there until dark.

“How are you doing, sweetie?” asked Eric, taking a sip of his wine.

Daryl sat back, grumbled and shook his head.

“Tell me about her.”

“I don’t know, man….”

Eric turned in his seat towards Daryl, tucking his feet underneath him. He took another sip of his wine, “She was important to you.”

“She was my life,” Daryl answered, the words falling from his mouth before he even realized it.

“Why weren’t the two of you… together?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ll go out on a limb here but I’m guessing you’re straight. And it’s obvious the both of you cared deeply for one another, why didn’t you ever make it official?”

“She was my friend…” Daryl was looking confused.

“Honey, she was more than that. She was the last person you’d talk to anytime you went beyond the gate, and the first person you’d look for whenever you got back.”

“Yeah, so….”

“You ever kiss her?”

“What the hell? No man, I respected her.” Daryl crossed his arms across his chest, he was beginning to feel defensive.

“Do you think she ever wanted you to kiss her?”

“This is getting way too personal,” he huffed.

“Just making conversation,” Eric replied with a sly grin. He took another sip of his wine. “I know she loved you. The way her eyes would light up whenever you were near….”

“Pffft, I don’t think so. Not like that.”

“What? What do you mean by that?”

“Why would she feel that way about me?”

“Daryl…. Have you looked in the mirror? Those amazing blue eyes of yours, I dare say they’re the most beautiful I’ve ever seen and hers ran a very close second. I could get lost in your eyes. You’ve got shoulders that go on for miles. Your arms are the sexiest I’ve ever seen…”

“Don’t objectify me!” Daryl said, slightly horrified.

“And you wear your heart on your sleeve, darling.”

“And just what in the hell do you mean by that?”

It was Eric’s turn for an exasperated sigh. “You act all crusty and irritable. But the few times I’ve seen you with Carol… You get the same look on your face looking at her as I do when I’m with my Aaron. As for Carol, her eyes would all but twinkle when you were near her, you brought out a calmness in each other. Any fool could see that. She adored you.”

“I ain’t the loving type.”

“Oh, but you are! Last night? Your whole family, ALL of them… They came here in support of you. Not out of some moral obligation, but because they love you and they loved Carol. And they recognized your love for HER. They could have sat at home and mourned her there, but they came to you.”

Daryl sat staring into the fire, contemplating Eric’s words.

“Daryl, there’s not a thing about you that I don’t like. If you were a gay man, and I were single, I’d be all over you like hot sauce on a taco. My hand to God.”

“Umm….”

“And you are a good man, Daryl Dixon. You are worthy of love, and being loved. You are loved. Please don’t for a moment ever think that you are alone. Carol would want you to know that. You’ve got a wonderful family, and you’ve got us.”

The fire was starting to die down, and Daryl sat unmoving in his seat. The wheels in his mind were turning full speed thinking about what Eric had to say. He had been content all along in knowing that he and Carol had each other’s backs, kindred spirits, but he never imagined there was possibility for anything more. He saw himself as damaged goods, and had suspected all along that Carol saw him the same way.

“You were commited to her, yes?”

He nodded.

“And she was commited to you. If that’s not marriage, then I don’t know what is.” There was a long pause before Daryl elicited any kind of reaction.

“Hmm….”

“Alright handsome, that’s enough babble from me. Wine makes me chatty, and tired. Time to hit the hay. You should too.” He patted Daryl’s knee, then gathered up the wine bottles and his glass. He carried them back inside, leaving Daryl to his thoughts. Eric had given Daryl a different perspective on things, certainly lots to think about. It did pain him to think of Carol, and the ache he felt within his heart made it difficult to breathe.

He swung his legs over the end of the bench and laid himself flat, staring up at the stars thinking of Carol.

“Why you? The walkers shoulda got me instead….” He laid an arm over his face, and sighed.

 

* * *

 

 

Aaron knocked on Rick’s door, he greeted him and invited him in.

“Actually, can we talk out here? It’s about Daryl…”

“Is he okay?”

“Well… no. I mean, physically he checked out just fine. But I’m concerned about what’s going on upstairs, in that head of his. We’ve not experienced anything remotely like what your group has gone through. I don’t know what’s ‘normal’ for Daryl, and what isn’t. I know getting past this will take time. And he deserves all the time in the world, but I worry…”

“I get what you’re saying. If we can keep him occupied, keep him moving, I think he’ll turn out okay.”

“He’s a bit irrational. He’s adamant about going out and continuing looking for remains. I just… I don’t know. I understand why he’s doing it. How we dealt with death before this? It was ritualistic at times, but I think that’s what helped people to grieve. But going out there beyond the walls, and the fact that we haven’t found anything other than that sweater... What if there’s nothing to find? What if she’s a roamer?”

Rick gasped, “Oh… You haven’t mentioned this to him, have you?”

Aaron shook his head.

“Do me a favor, don’t. Daryl is different, than all of us. There are no words to explain him, but… Merle? Has he told you about his brother?”

“Very little…”

“Merle was racist homophobic redneck trash. But Daryl was his blood, and he’d do just about anything for him. And in the end, he did. He sacrificed himself, not just for Daryl, but for our group – our family.”

Rick paused, letting this information sink in. “Daryl went after Merle, to stop him. But it was too late. Merle was gone. He had turned.”

“Oh my god….”

Rick nodded, “Daryl had to put his own brother down.   They had gotten separated before that. Daryl never doubted Merle, or ever assumed he was dead. They were apart almost a year. All he wanted was his big brother back, and just when he did and things were going okay…..”

“Daryl had said he had to put him down, but didn’t share any backstory. Wow… that is truly tragic.”

“We don’t sugarcoat things with Daryl. There’s no walking on eggshells, or telling white lies either. But I also don’t think we should be telling him anything that we have no proof on. That’s why I’m asking you not to say anything or suggest that Carol might be a walker. Otherwise, we’d lose him for good.”

Aaron’s face was now pale at the thought.

“If he thought she turned, we would never see him again. He would be out roaming the countryside trying to find her. He would never stop looking until he did. I’ve no doubt in my mind on that.”

Aaron nodded. “So what do we do now?”

“Let’s give it one more day. Tobin marked a map showing where he found her sweater. We’ll look there. If there’s nothing, then we’ll push the recruiting agenda. Distraction and getting out beyond the walls will do him good.”

“Mmm, okay.”

“I’m sorry if this puts you in an awkward position.”

“No, no. It’s fine. I appreciate your taking the time to talk with me. Um, it’s a lot to process at the moment. I’m going to head back, if you don’t mind. It’s late.”

Aaron reached out to shake Rick’s hand, and bid him goodnight. It was only a short walk back to Aaron’s house, but he wasn’t ready to go there. Not yet. He took the long way around, needing time to think and clear his head. Rick was right. If Daryl suspected that Carol was a walker, they would lose him. He’d be gone.

“What’re you doing?” came a voice from the dark. Aaron nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Holy… you scared the crap out of me!”

Daryl walked out from the shadows. He had been feeling restless himself, and was roaming the inner wall, as if on watch. He had seen Aaron walking down the street looking troubled.

“Everything okay?”

“Mm-hmm. Yep. Couldn’t sleep. Just, uh… taking a stroll.” Aaron was avoiding his eyes, and Daryl knew it. He squinted at him.

“Okay… well, I’m heading back. Gonna try to get some shuteye myself.”

Aaron just nodded in response. He looked terribly guilty, and Daryl was highly suspicious. He knew Aaron was being dishonest, he hadn’t been home to go to sleep. He had been off to Rick’s house. Something they had discussed had him rattled. Daryl was curious, but was not up for grilling Aaron for the details tonight. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed, pull the blankets over his head and disappear into the darkness. He’d have it out with Aaron in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd be ending this story soon, but I got hit with a spurt of creativity this evening. :) More to follow, soon!


	4. Mind Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl feels betrayed, and leaves Alexandria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank each and every one of you that have left Kudos and Comments. Even if I don't respond to every individual comment, please know that I do read them and they mean the world to me!  
> I'm also set up on twitter, @FndmLife4Ever. And Tumblr, FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRun.tumblr.com

* * *

Daryl barely slept that night, as usual.  He tossed and turned, unable to get Aaron’s odd behavior out of his mind.  He knew that Aaron hadn’t been entirely honest with him the night before, and that burned him to his core.  Daryl did not have high expectations of people, but he did expect nothing but honesty, as that’s what he always gave in return.  Something was up, and he was determined to find out exactly what.

The smell of coffee brewing told him that Eric was already up for the day, which meant Aaron would be soon too.  Daryl dragged himself out of bed, got dressed, and made his way to the kitchen.

“Good morning, beautiful!”  Eric was as effervescent as always.

“Mornin’...” Daryl grumbled.

“I know, I know, no chatter ‘til you’ve had your coffee,” and he plopped down at the table next to Daryl, and poured him a mug full.

“You seem especially grouchy this morning,” Eric observed.

“And you seem especially cheerful,” Daryl countered.

“Mmmm, no.  This is simply me.  But you, sir… Got a whole lot of extra ‘grrr’ going on in that pretty face of yours.  What’s eating you?”

Daryl fiddled with his mug, not outright ignoring Eric, but not sure what he should say. He decided to avoid the issue with Aaron, best to discuss it with Aaron directly.

“S’nothing, rough night.”

“Mmm-hmmm.  Well, just so you know, I don’t believe you.  But I can respect when things are not my business.  As always, you have my ear if ever you need it.  And yes, I do keep things confidential.  Aaron respects that too.  This mind?” he tapped his head, “it’s a vault.  I may be known as a bit of a gossip around here, but people also come to me to talk too.”

“Told me that a time or two already. Yer really hell bent on getting me to spill, ain’t ya?” Daryl had turned in his seat to face Eric.  He was angry, but not at Eric, and he immediately regretted his hostile tone.

“I’m sorry, Eric.  I appreciate the offer, I’m just not… the chattin’ type.”

“But you know….”

“...yes, if I ever change my mind, I’ll come see ya.”  Daryl shook his head, annoyed.  He took a sip of his coffee, and actually welcomed the interruption of Aaron coming down the stairs.

“Good morning, my love!” Eric all but threw himself into Aaron’s arms, planting a big kiss on his lips.  “Tread lightly, someone peed in Daryl’s corn flakes.”

Much to both Daryl and Eric’s surprise, Aaron replied with, “That would probably be me, my fault.”  

Aaron looked to Daryl, both hands slightly raised in an attempt to keep things neutral.  

“Daryl, I owe you an explanation. When you saw me last night, I was on my way back from talking with Rick.  He asked me not to discuss our conversation with you, however that just doesn’t sit right with me.”

Daryl just glared at Aaron, he was furious.  Not only was Aaron discussing him with Rick behind his back, but he was keeping things from him, and now Rick too?  Aaron could tell that Daryl was ready to blow his top, seeing him bouncing his knee and how he held his mug with a white-knuckle grip.

“We know how important closure can be.  And what Rick said, it scared me, to be perfectly honest.  We discussed a possible reason why we haven’t found anything of Carol, and we fear that you would leave us if we told you.  But I don’t like keeping secrets, and I have a rather high opinion of you, and.…”

“And I prefer not to associate with liars,” Daryl interrupted, pushing his coffee mug away from him and walking toward the door.

“Daryl, please.  Please just let me finish?” asked Aaron.  Daryl was facing the door, hand on the knob, ready to go.  He kept his back to Aaron, but nodded once.

“The reason that we think there’s nothing out there to find, is that Carol is a walker.”

Daryl froze.  He stopped breathing.  His grip on the knob only tightened, and Eric could see his knuckles turning white again, and his arm began to shake from gripping it so tightly.  Eric walked over to him, and placed a hand on top of Daryl’s.

“Daryl, honey?”

Daryl just leaned forward slightly, until his forehead was resting on the door.  His eyes squeezed shut.

“Rick is afraid, as am I, that you’ll not stop until she is found.  We’re concerned that you might not come back.”  Aaron had not moved from his spot by the table.  He looked imploringly at Eric, and back to Daryl.  He needed a response, something.

Daryl took a deep shuddering breath, but remained in place at the door.  He finally pulled himself back, “I need some air.”  And he was out the door, and down the steps before Aaron could even blink.

“Shit….” Aaron had his hands on his hips, head hung low.  He grabbed his jacket and made to go after Daryl, but Eric stood in the doorway.

“Let him go.”

“But…”

“He’ll be back, just give him a few minutes at least.”

“He may not come back!  According to Rick, we may have just lost him forever!”  
“And you say I have a flair for the dramatic?  Sweetheart, he’ll be back.  His crossbow is sitting right by the door, he wouldn’t leave without that.”

Aaron breathed a small sigh of relief.  “I was afraid of this happening, Rick wanted to give the search one more day and then start pushing the recruiting agenda, but I couldn’t NOT tell Daryl.  I feel awful…”

Eric wrapped his arms around Aaron, “I’m sorry sweetie.  We’ll figure something out.  We always do.  Just tread lightly, you know he’s going to need some time.”

 

* * *

 

“Whoa, where you headed too?” asked Michonne, seeing Daryl barrelling toward the gates.  Arms swinging hard as he walked, eyes squinted in anger.  

“Out. Gotta problem with that?” he growled.

“Actually, I do.  Daryl?  You can’t go out there without a weapon.  Where’s your crossbow?”

“Dammit!” He raked his hands through his hair, and started pacing back and forth, not sure if he should just go through the gates or go back to the house for his crossbow.  Hands fisted at his sides, he spat on the ground.

“Hey, Dare-bear, what’s going on….” Michonne was genuinely concerned yet trying to keep things from getting too heavy.

“I can’t breathe in here, ‘chonne!  I need to get the fuck outta here, there’s no air inside these walls.”

“I agree with you on that one, but there’s more to it than that.  What’s wrong, Daryl?  Talk to me.”

“Fucking Rick, and Aaron. And… I can’t…”

“Daryl, stop.  Take a deep breath.  It’s just you and me.” She tentatively reached out and placed her hands on his upper arms, gently rubbing up and down.  Daryl just put a hand to his face, and hung his head.  He took a deep breath, and dropped his hand.

“They think Carol might be a walker.”

“Okay.  But you had to know that was a possibility though, right?”

Daryl just shook his head, “I can’t fucking believe this….”  He shrugged her hands off his arms, backed up against the wall and dropped to the ground.  Knees pulled up, with his arms resting atop them.  He threw his head back against the wall and shut his eyes.

“What else did they have to say?” asked Michonne, as she sat down cross legged in front of Daryl.  She seated herself in such a way that she was facing him but off to the side slightly.  That way he wouldn’t feel penned in, so to speak.

“Apparently Rick thinks I’m gonna take off and try to find her, and not stop until I do.”

“Do you blame him for thinking that?”

“No, but I’m fucking pissed at him cuz he and Aaron talked about it last night.  Told Aaron not to say anythin’ to me.”

“Probably because he was afraid you’d high-tail it outta here.  And he was right, you almost did, and without a weapon.  That’s reckless, Daryl.  It’s a stupid move.”

“You telling me what to do now too?” he snarled at her.

“Not in the least, Dixon.  Come on, you know me better than that.  Tell you what, here’s what I’m gonna do.  Give me a half hour.  I’m gonna get Tobin or somebody to fill in my shifts.  Then you and I are going to go have a look, see what we can find outside those gates. ‘kay?”

Daryl put his heels to his eyes, rubbing the burning sensation from them.  He was still fuming, burning with anger, but also touched at Michonne’s gesture.

“Go get your crossbow, your knives, get a small pack if you want.  We can make it an overnighter if you need to.  Let’s go have us a good run, do some looking, like the old days.”

Daryl sighed.  He knew Michonne was right, he was going off half cocked and that was dangerous.  But an escape beyond the walls with her, was a refreshing idea, and much needed.  The two of them had not been out together since their searches for the Governor.  Daryl enjoyed Michonne’s company and friendship.  She was a hard, strong woman, fierce, but with a gentle nature about her as well.  She was level headed too, no nonsense.  He could trust her to have his back, as he did hers.

“Come one now, stand up.”

Daryl pulled himself to standing, “Alright, I’ll go get my stuff.  Half hour?”

“Mmm-hmm.  Now I’m going to do something out of character.  It’s as much for you as it is for me, ‘kay?”

His brows furrowed, but he nodded.

She took a step toward him, wrapped her arms around him and put her chin on his shoulder.  “We all miss, Carol.  None so more than you, but we all feel her loss.  Whatever we find or don’t find, remember we’re all here for you.  To be with you, or to give you space, whatever you need.”  She let that sink in for a moment before releasing him.  She dabbed at her eye, and smiled at him.  “Go get your stuff, Dixon.”

Daryl avoided her eyes which were wet with tears, and nodded.  He silently headed back to Aaron’s to grab his crossbow and bag.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure this is the right thing to do?” asked Aaron.  He was watching Daryl pack his bag.

“How’s it any different than what I would have done with you lot?  I’m just going with Michonne.  She don’t give me no bullshit.”

“Daryl, I am sorry…”

“Don’t need no apologies.  Don’t know you people, don’t know this place.  Didn’t even want to come here, but sure as hell couldn’t stay where I was.  If we hadn’t come here, Carol would still be alive.”

“Are you… are you blaming me? For Carol?” stammered Aaron.

“If the shoe fits….”

“Now that’s not fair.  I got your group to a safe environment.  You have food, and shelter, and protection.  As if you were doing any better out there on the road!  You all could have lost so much more with no food, or water.  Do you really think that barn was so much better than here?”

“At least I’d still have her!”

“You have no way of knowing that she’d still be alive if you had not come here!  God dammit, Daryl!  I would give anything, ANYTHING to be able to give you Carol back.  I can not control the Roamer population, we do not have a herd tracking or forecasting system. NOBODY could have known what was to come.  What happened to her could have happened to anyone. THAT IS NOT ON ME!”

“GUYS!” Aaron stood in the doorway of Daryl’s room, mouth agape.  “What on earth….”

“This is bullshit, I’m outta here!” growled Daryl.

“Uh-uh, no, I’m not letting you leave here like this,” Eric stood firm within the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

“Really think you can stop me little man?”

“Daryl Dixon, I am your friend.  I have respected you from day 1.  There’s no reason on God’s green earth why you can’t treat me the same.  Whatever ‘bullshit’ you need to go deal with… I’m sorry if you feel we played any part.  I have been nothing but supportive of you, and that support continues.  I get that you are hurt, and you are angry.  I get that. But I will not have you disrespecting people in my house.  Please…. whatever it is that you must go and do, please be safe, stay safe, and come back home.  Alexandria is your home.  Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet, there is a place here for you.”

Daryl softened slightly while listening to Eric’s firm tirade.

“M’sorry.  I’m just…” he shook his head, unable to find the words.

“You’re grieving, sweetie.”  Eric’s voice took on a much sweeter and more sympathetic tone.  “Which is why I’m able to forgive this Grumplestiltskin thing you got going on.”

Daryl nodded, head hung low and eyes hiding behind his hair.

“Dunno when I’ll be back.  Might be tonight, might be a few days.”

“Okay.  Want me to tell Rick?”

Daryl nodded, “I just cain’t deal with nobody.  I… tell him I’ll be back, just don’t know when.”

“Make it soon, I’ll miss your sweet face,” Eric looked up at him with a wide toothy grin.  “Go, do your thing sweetie.”  

He stepped aside to let Daryl pass.  He thundered down the stairs as quick as his feet could take him, and let the door slam behind him.

“I didn’t even get a goodbye?” whispered Aaron.

Eric just shrugged, “He needs time, hon. He’ll come around.”

 

* * *

 

Michonne and Daryl set out on foot.  She had been able to get her shifts covered, thrown her bag together, and talked to Tobin about where Carol’s sweater had been found.  She had even talked to snipers to see what direction walkers were coming from, and which direction they were going to, all things to give them clues where to look.  The walked for about an hour without talking.  Michonne dared not speak a word until she saw some of the tension leave Daryl’s shoulders.  She let him have the time, space, and quiet to process.

“They mean well, you know…”

Daryl didn’t respond, he just kept walking, head hung as if he were tracking but she knew he was walking aimlessly.

“I’d like to try checking west of here, you haven’t been that way yet according to Aaron and Rick.”

Daryl just shrugged, and changed direction slightly to accomodate her direction.  They walked several more hours, followed a creek, found some walker tracks, but of course nothing to indicate that Carol specifically was there.  It was early evening, they had but an hour or two of light left.

“Let’s set up camp for the night.”

Daryl merely nodded.  “Gonna just scout the perimeter, an’ have a smoke.”  He set down his bag, and walked off into the trees.  Michonne only shook her head and took to starting a small fire.  It was well after dark before Daryl returned.  His face was flushed, and his damp hair stuck to his forehead.  He had hustled his way back from goodness knows where.

“We ain’t the only ones out here t’night,” he paused to catch his breath.

Michonne moved to put out the fire, but he put his hand out to stop her, shaking his head.  “They’re about a mile away, won’t see us.  Saw one guy, maybe two.  Wanna go back before sun-up and check ‘em out.”

“Recruiting on your mind?” asked Michonne smiling.  She knew of Daryl's assigned job of working as a recruiter with Aaron, and was genuinely relieved that he was putting an effort in for the group and for himself, to make things work in Alexandria.  Well, before Carol disappeared and the world went to shit.

Daryl sighed, “Yes? No?  I dunno.  There was just something ‘bout the guy.  Got a weird vibe.  Stray walker went by his camp, I could hear it, and he just sat there sipping from his mug.  Deaf? Not a care in the world?  I don’t know.  Later it sounded like he was talking to somebody ‘round the other side of this like rock knoll he was set up on.  Couldn’t see cuz it got dark, didn’t want to get closer in case there were more ‘an two of them.”

“Mmm,” hummed Michonne.  “I’ll take first watch, you rest up.  We’ll go see what we can see in the morning.”  Michonne stood up to keep an eye on the perimeter, and Daryl hunkered down by the fire to try and get some sleep.  

 

* * *

 

Michonne felt Daryl’s hand on her shoulder just as the dawn was starting to make it’s way into the sky.  The fire had long since gone out, and she shuddered in the damp cold beneath her thin blanket.  She stood and stretched, and rolled her blanket up and tucked it into her pack.  Daryl handed her a bottle of water, she took a few sips, handed it back and nodded.  They were ready to go.  It wasn't long before they reached the rock knoll that Daryl found the night before.  They stayed hidden among the brush, watchful of their surroundings.

It was past sunrise when they finally saw movement.  A slim black man came out from behind the knoll, and made a small fire.  He boiled some water, and prepared two mugs, adding the contents of some paper packets.  When he was satisfied with their preparation, he took one around behind the knoll.  He returned a few moments later, took his seat by the fire, and held his mug to his lips.

“Two?” mouthed Michonne, to Daryl.  He nodded, and shrugged.  He motioned to her to start walking around the knoll.  Away from the man, around to the far side to see who his companion was.  With hunter stealth, they were able to noiselessly work their way around.  Through the trees they could make out what appeared to be the entrance to a small cave.  There was someone seated just inside the entrance in a camp chair.  A sling on their arm, and a foot wrapped and elevated.  There was even a bandana, of sorts wrapped around the person’s head, obscuring the face.  They were wrapped in a blanket, but Daryl could see the slender fingers gently grasping the mug.  He squinted, trying to get a better look and instantly regretting that he didn't pack his binoculars in his haste to get out of Alexandria.

He felt Michonne’s hand on his shoulder, but he couldn’t move.  He was frozen in place.  Something was off, something wasn’t right.  Michonne squeezed, trying to get his attention, but he just brushed her off.  Head tilted to the side whilsts staring at the figure, uncomprehending.  He felt Michonne behind him, leaning toward his ear, “Don’t!” she warned.

He drew his hand to his mouth instantly and bit down on his thumb.  

“Don’t move a muscle, we don’t know yet how many there are,” she whispered.

She had an iron grip on his shoulders, holding him back from the inevitable explosion that would occur once it sank in. The figure, seated within the cave entrance wore the wrong kind of pants to be out in the wild like this.  The wrong shoes.  The wrong awful striped shirt.  There were small gold studs in their ears, and there was grey hair poking out from beneath the bandana.  Was it?  Could it be?  

Daryl struggled to stand, to throw Michonne off, he wanted to yell, to run, to do anything but remain in their current position.  All he knew was that he needed to see. To get closer, and see for himself that what was before him, was real.  

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two to three more chapters left to this story. Thank y'all for sticking with me this far! :)


	5. Lay Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Michonne found two people, the conversation takes an unexpected turn.

Michonne maintained an iron grip on Daryl’s shoulders.  He was struggling, wanting to toss her off and run, but at the same time knowing there was a legitimate reason why she was holding him back. 

“Daryl, please…. Let’s fall back.  I need to talk to you, and I need you to LISTEN,” she whispered fiercely into his ear.  He hadn’t blinked.  He was barely breathing, yet his chest was heaving.  Within the rocky knoll before him, the figure with the bandaged head, it was unmistakable.  That was his Carol.  It had to be, but at the same time, how could it be?  He tore his eyes off of her for a second to glance back at Michonne, imploring her with his eyes to let him go.  She shook her head, and pulled him back.  She managed to get him down into a small ravine, far enough away that she could talk to him and be heard by only him.

“Listen to reason.  I see what you see.  Do you understand me?  I see her.”

He nodded.

“And that man?  I know him.”  
“Wha’… How?”

“Rick.  I went with Rick and Carl on a run, that time we came back with Judith’s crib?  That man, he goes by ‘Morgan’ and he was one crazy sumbitch last I saw him.  He had an armory that would put a prison to shame.”

“Fuck, man.  We gotta get Carol outta there!”

“We don’t know how many there are, Daryl.  We don’t know this guy’s state of mind.  Carol looks like she’s being taken care of.  Doesn’t look like she’s tied up or being held against her will.  Let’s be cautious.”

He took a deep shuddering breath.

“This… Morgan guy.  Wait.  Did Rick tell you more about him?  Did he know him, from before?”

“Just after The Turn, they were supposed to stay in touch.  Some old walkie-talkies or something.”

Daryl sat back on his heels and nodded, it was starting to make sense now.  Rick had talked about a man named Morgan.  He met him after the turn, after Lori and Carl had disappeared on him.  Morgan had a son, who sadly didn’t make it.  Rick had not gone into great detail with him, but Daryl remembered they were supposed to try and reconnect at Fort Benning.  How in the hell had he made it this far?  What were the odds?

“Well, I can’t just leave Carol there.  We gotta do something.”

“And we will, but let’s see how many we’re dealing with first.  Don’t want to risk getting Carol hurt.”

Suddenly there was the crunch of leaves, and the snap of twigs nearby.  They both fell silent, crouching down and making themselves as small and unnoticeable a possible.

A voice called out, none too loud, but sufficient to be heard.  “I know you’re out there, I heard you earlier.  I have no weapons of any kind.  There is only myself and my companion.  Please, come warm yourselves by the fire.  No need to hide.”

Daryl and Michonne looked to each other.  Michonne raised her shoulders, and frowned.  She threw her hands out, palm up in a “what the hell?” type gesture.  Daryl shook his head No.  Michonne glared back at him.

The voice spoke again, “Suit yourself, I’m going back to my fire.  You’re welcome to join me.”  They could hear his purposeful steps receding. 

“What is with that guy?” whispered Daryl. 

“I told you, he was off his rocker.”

“Something is off about this fella.  I don’t think both of us should go, might be an ambush.  You stay here and keep watch, I’m going to get Carol.”  Daryl stood, and Michonne grabbed his arm dragging him back down.

“Are you sure that’s the smart thing to do?” she asked. 

“Why the hell not?  That’s CAROL.”

Michonne shook her head.  She put her hands to the sides of her face and hung her head.  Trying to reason with Daryl while he was this keyed up was like trying to talk sense into a brick wall.

“Let’s at least come up with a plan, in case this all goes south, mm’kay?”

One impatient sigh later, he nodded in agreement.

“You go, approach slowly and with caution, please.”  She paused, to make sure he was really understanding what she was asking of him.  “She is injured, and he may not be the most stable person.  We don’t know if he’s being honest about it being only the two of them.  I will watch the perimeter.  If anything goes wrong, at least I can try to get back to Alexandria.”

He was chewing his thumb, and nodding his head.  “Mm’kay. Let’s do this.”  He was up on his feet and out of the ravine before Michonne had a chance to draw her katana.  She kept to trees, keeping a watchful eye after Daryl and their surroundings.

As Daryl rose over the top of the hill toward the knoll, he put his crossbow over his shoulder and raised both hands in a sign of surrender.  His eyes were glued to the figure seated in the camp chair.  The slim man, now known to be Morgan, was standing beside her wrapping her injured ankle.  He looked up when he heard Daryl’s cautious steps toward them.  The figure, turned their head toward him, and let out a small gasp as the slender fingers rose to their mouth.  There was dark bruising, and a nasty gash on their forehead, but the one eye that was looking toward him was the most piercing blue eyes he had ever seen.  They belonged to one person, and one person only, his Carol.

About 10 feet away, a dry sob escaped Daryl’s mouth, and he dropped to his knees.  His arms still up in surrender.  He had not taken his eyes off of Carol.  A small strained voice whispered, “Daryl?”

Morgan looked to Carol, and back to Daryl.  “You know this man?” he asked her. 

“Yes!  He’s my family.  He’s from my group!” She was smiling, and wincing all at once. 

“May I….” Daryl asked, voice faltering. He was gesturing toward Carol, requesting permission to come closer.

“Oh, please do!” Morgan stepped back, and Daryl flew to Carol’s side.  He wanted to touch her, to hug her, and swing her around just as he had done after Terminus.  His hands went to her face, but seeing the bruising, they went to her shoulder.  But her arm was in a sling.  And with her leg elevated as it was, there was little if any uninjured room on her body for him to embrace.  So he gingerly placed a finger under her chin, and she reached up and placed her own hand upon his. 

“We thought… we thought you were dead!” he gasped.  His chin was quivering, and his eyes were wet with tears of joy.  He was so overwhelmed seeing his Carol seated before him.  He was on his knees before her, pulled her uninjured hand toward him and kissed it gently.  He held it to his cheek, closed his eyes, and let out a long sigh.

“What happened to you?  Rick said a herd came, you were right behind him, an then….”

“We got separated.  I don’t even know how I fought them off, but I did.  I found an empty space between them, and I ran.  And I ran, and I ran.  Felt like I ran for hours.  And then these stupid shoes… I slipped and fell down a ravine.  I managed to crawl to a creek.  That night Morgan found me.”  She smiled up at Morgan, and he returned it.  “He bandaged me up, and somehow got me back here.”

“We’re not sure where ‘here’ is, exactly.  I was out scouting the area when I came across her.  She was barely conscious when I found her, but there was still fight in her eyes.”

Daryl looked up at Morgan warily.  He was thankful Morgan had found her, and taken care of her, but at what price?

“I have a map, but having run into a few herds along the way, I’m afraid I’ve gotten turned around a bit.  If I show you it, could you tell me where I’m at?  At least give me an idea?  I’m on my way to Washington.”

Daryl nodded.  He was still on his knees at Carol’s side.  Morgan dug into his pocket with one hand and pulled out a weathered map, handing it to Daryl.  Daryl took it carefully in his hands, and opened it.   In messy scrawl, he read a note written on the map, “Come to Washington, the new world’s gonna need Rick Grimes.”  His brows furrowed as he read the message, and he looked up at Morgan and back to the map. 

He stood, and to Carol asked, “Have you seen this?”

She nodded, “After running, I couldn’t even fathom a guess as to where we are now.”

“And you’re aware that he knows Rick?” Daryl asked.

“Yes.  He told me all about that.  About helping Rick after he got shot, around the time of The Turn.  And how Rick helped him, later on when he was…. not feeling quite himself.”  Carol said this so matter-of-factly that Daryl just stared at her, unblinking.

“How rude of me, I didn’t introduce myself.” Morgan held out his hand to Daryl, “My name is Morgan.  I do know Rick Grimes, and I’m headed to Washington, if you could point out the way.”

Daryl hesitated, but did reach his hand out for a quick firm handshake.  “Name’s Daryl.  Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Please do.”

  
“How many walkers you killed?”

“Dozens.”

“How many people you killed?”

“Uh, several.”

“Why?”  
“They tried to kill me.”

“Why didn’t you kill Carol?”

“Why? Because…” Morgan shook his head, eyeing Daryl with confusion.  “I could see she needed my help.  She was injured. There may be a battle of good versus evil in this world right now, but… all life is precious, Daryl.  Everyone deserves to be saved.”

Daryl turned to Carol, “He treating you right?”  
Carol just smiled up at Daryl, nodding her head gently.  “Morgan is a good man, Daryl.”

“What kind of setup you got going on here?” he asked.

Morgan spoke up, filling Daryl in.  He explained how he had found the map in the church, in Georgia and decided to try his luck moving north.  After more than a few run-ins with herds, he happened upon a couple of rough looking men who had just lost their group.  They were survivalists, and had a bunker out in the middle of nowhere filled with a 3 year supply of food and bottled water.  Unfortunately, one of the men had been bitten.  He died overnight, and attacked his friend.  Morgan put both men down, but had been lucky enough to make it back to the bunker with them before they passed.  He had been living there about a week when he found Carol.

“There’s plenty of food, water, medical supplies, to cover basic needs.  You’re welcome to share it, whatever you need.”

Daryl nodded.  “I can show you where you’re at on that map, but I can tell you Rick Grimes ain’t in DC, but he’s nearby.  He’s in a community called Alexandria, that’s where we’re headed back to.”

“We?” asked Morgan.

“Carol and I, and you’re welcome to join us.”

“You were out there, with someone, others…” Morgan gestured to the woods surrounding them. 

“Michonne, you met her.  Might remember her, she was with Rick last you saw him, don’t try anything stupid.”

“The woman with the sword?  I recall.”

“Alright… well, Carol is with us, and we’re taking her back.”

“Excuse me?” Carol squeezed Daryl’s hand.  “Daryl, I’m right here.  I’m also in no condition to travel, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

He took his eyes off Morgan long enough to glance at Carol.  “S’fine, I’ll carry you.”

“You most certainly will not!”  She tugged his hand hard, bringing him back down to his knees.  “I can hardly walk.  And there’s no way you can carry me all the way back.  Good intentions or not, I’d just slow you down if we met up with another herd.  I’m fine here, really.  Morgan is taking care of me just fine.”

“The bunker is well stocked, you are welcome to stay as long as you like,” he offered.

“Cain’t stay, we’re short handed as it is, and they’re expecting us back.”

“I’ll be fine here with Morgan,” said Carol firmly.

“Can I have a word, in private?”

Morgan excused himself and went around to the other side of the knoll.  Daryl kneeled directly in front of Carol, hands on her knees.  He avoided her eyes, but rubbed her knees with his thumbs.  She could see his brow furrowed beneath the fringe of hair in his face.  She placed her one uninjured hand on top of his, willing him to speak.  “Daryl?  Talk to me.  You have no idea how happy I am that you found me.  How did you get here?  How did you find me?”

“We, uh… we thought you were dead.  They found your sweater…” his voice trailed off, stopped by the lump forming in his throat.  He still avoided her eyes.  “But we didn’t find you.  We thought you turned, and....  I’m tired, Carol.  I’m so damn tired of losing people….”  She heard him sniffle.  She put her hand under his chin and raised it up so she could see his face.  His eyes were wet with tears, and as he turned his eyes to her, a tear spilled down his cheek.  He turned his face.  “M’sorry…”

“Don’t be.  Hey….”, she turned his chin back to her again.  Soft smile on her face.  “Don’t be sorry.  Come ‘ere.”  She gestured with her one good arm to come closer.  He wiggled his way between her knees and enveloped her in the biggest but gentlest bear hug he could muster, burying his face in her neck.  He huffed a few deep breaths, and could not will himself to let her go for fear that she would disappear before him.

“Michonne is with me, just us two.  She’s nearby, on watch.  After we realized you might be a walker, we high tailed it outta Alexandria.  I had words with some folks, prob’ly need to apologize to them for that.  I don’t even know how we got here.  Getting this far, that’s Michonne’s doing, she asked the right questions, got the right info.  I just scouted around last night after we stopped for the night, that’s how I found his fire.  Oh God, I’m just so glad I found you…”

He hugged her just a touch tighter, and then released, her falling back on to his heels.

 “I know you have to get back, but can you at least stay the night?” she asked.  Wincing as she repositioned herself in her chair.

He nodded, “Have to head back in the morning, much as I don’t want to.  I’ll come back though, soon as I can to bring you home.”

She shook her head, “Mm-mm.”

He looked at her, confused.  “No?  What do you mean?  You want to rest up, and heal.  That’s fine.  I get that.  How much time you need?” 

She smiled at him, eyes filling with tears.  She shook her head, grasping his hand tightly in hers.  She looked into his eyes, and cleared her throat.

“No Daryl, I uh…. It’s not that. I don’t think I’ll be going back to Alexandria at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter, I'm not entirely pleased with it. Trying to keep up with my stories as well as write weekly papers for a Criminal Justice course I'm taking is... exhausting. I'd just rather write fic!! (Excuse any errors, I'm posting this with limited focus and sleep.)  
> Even though I keep saying "oh, just 2-3 more chapters," this story continues to keep growing in my mind. I'm excited for the next couple chapters!!


	6. Shattered

Daryl fell back onto his rear, feeling as though he just got a fierce kick to the gut.  He had lost her, found her, and now here he was losing her again?  He could barely breathe, he stood and took a few steps back away from her.  “Why?  Why won’t you come back with me?  Why?”

He was pacing, as he so often did when he was upset.  He had that kicked puppy look on his face, then he was glaring at her, raking his hands through his hair, fisting them at his side. 

“Daryl, I need you to please calm down.”

“You’re gonna tell me what to do?  Seriously?  I lost you, how many times now?  I thought you were fucking dead.  Do you have any idea what that did to me?  And here I am, blessed to the heavens that you’re alive and mostly well.  I would have given anything…. ANYTHING… to have had just 5 more minutes with you.  You were torn from my heart and soul,” he pounded his own chest with a fist, flecks of spit flying from his mouth with his heated words.

“I thought losing you was bad.  I thought you being dead was bad.  This?  This is so much worse.”  His voice cracked on that last word.  He rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes, and kept his face turned away from her.  He was so hurt, and so angry, and so confused by all the emotions swimming inside his head. 

“Will you please let me explain?”  Carol was in tears knowing that his outburst was directly caused by her.  “Daryl, I’m not doing this to purposely hurt you.  I’m doing this… I’m doing this for me.”

He whipped his head around, his red rimmed eyes boring holes through her.  He shook his head.  “Why?  It’s just you and him out here.  How is that safe?  How is that any better than what we got back behind those walls?”

“Remember when I told you I just needed to forget?”

It was like another blow to his gut, almost knocked the wind clear out of him.  His eyes squinted, and his whisper was quiet yet fierce, “You want to forget us?”

“Daryl, please… just stop.  You’re twisting and turning things around. I need you to STOP and LISTEN to me.  Please? I need your help but for the love of God can you please just STOP?”

She managed to stun him silent, her voice raised louder than he’d ever heard it before.  She took a deep breath and gathered herself, wincing as her outburst sent shooting pains through her injuries from the effort of making her words heard.

Daryl shut his mouth to a thin line, hands on his hips.  He hung his head and nodded, hands swiping over his eyes.

“It’s a long story, Daryl.  But I’m going to keep it short and sweet because I simply don’t have the energy to fight with you.  I don’t want to fight…” 

He didn’t respond, he didn’t move, he made no effort to walk away so she took that as permission to proceed, and that he was listening.

“This is the story I want to forget.  I will tell it only once.”  She paused a beat, letting it sink in.  “You know I met up with Tyreese, and the girls after the prison.  I confessed to him what I did to Karen and David, he forgave me.  We were thinking of staying, at this home we had found.  There was pecan grove, a well, the yard was fenced, it was secure.”  She paused again, nearing the hard part of her tale.

“Lizzie, she was having some problems.  That animal that Tyreese found tacked to a board back at the prison, that was Lizzie’s doing.  She was feeding the walkers.  She didn’t understand what they were.  She was trying to befriend them.”

Carol could see that some of the tension leaving Daryl’s shoulders.  He still had not moved, or so much as looked in her direction, but she could see by the squint of his eyes that he was listening intently.

“Well, one morning Tyreese and I went off for a few minutes to get water.  And when we got back, Mika was laying flat out on her back, Lizzie was standing over her with a bloody knife and a smile on her face.”

Carol wiped the tears from her cheeks that had spilled over, and wrung her hands in her lap.  “She was so proud of herself, said ‘Don’t worry, she’ll come back. I didn’t hurt her brain!’ She wanted to do the same to Judith, to prove that they would come back.  She pulled her gun on me, to keep me from Mika.  I had to promise to not hurt Mika, said I’d just tie her up so she couldn’t wander off.”

Daryl remained in place, shaking his head slightly, having an idea of what was coming next.

“I sent Lizzie into the house with Tyreese, and took care of Mika.”   There was a small stifled sob that she couldn’t keep from passing her lips.  Daryl squinted when he heard it, he knew this was hard for Carol to share. He didn’t want to interrupt in case she changed her mind about sharing her story, he knew she needed to get this out and off her chest.

“Things weren’t safe anymore, after that.  Lizzie couldn’t be trusted around anybody, least of all Judith.  We couldn’t separate, that would have been an automatic death sentence for all of us.  There was only one way out, only one way that the rest of us had a chance.”

She looked at Daryl, tears streaming down her face now.  Imploring him with her eyes to understand, both what she was about to say and what she had to do.

“So the next morning, I took Lizzie outside.  She was heartbroken thinking I was angry with her, what could I say to that?  I told her to look at the flowers, they were so beautiful, just like her.  I told her to look at the flowers, and I raised my gun, and…. “  Her voice cracked and she broke down into gut wrenching sobs.  She covered her face with her hands, and her chest heaved and shook.  Daryl was at her side immediately, holding her gently in his arms.  He held her head and she buried her face into his neck.  She fisted his shirt with her one good hand, trying to regain her strength.  And once she was able to collect herself, she pushed him away gently.

“So that’s what happened to the girls.” She sniffled, wiping her eyes.  “When I say I’m not coming back to Alexandria, that I need a break?  I’m saying I need time.  I need to work through this Daryl.  Being around everyone, it’s just a reminder.  I want to forget.  I NEED to forget.  I want to be able to go to sleep at night, and not have my last thought be of those last moments with the girls.  I just need to escape.  And I can do that here.  I’ll be okay here, with Morgan.”

She grabbed his hand and kissed it.  “And you’ll be okay too.”

Daryl shook his head.  He was physically and emotionally drained.  He couldn’t take much more.

“Can we come back sometime, and see you?” he asked softly.

She nodded.

“And if you decide to leave here, for good.  Can you at least come say goodbye?”  She was struck by the innocent little boy quality that his voice took on.  It was crushing.

“I think we can manage that.”  She smiled gently up at him, knowing that she singlehandedly sent him into this emotional tailspin.

“M’kay…” his voice trailed off, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without you.”  He swallowed hard, trying to will away the lump constricting his throat.  He cleared his throat, “Um… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I can’t stay tonight.  Guess I need time to process this too.”  She kissed his hand again and squeezed it, her chin quivering.  Her eyes filled with tears again. 

Daryl stood, wiped his own eyes with his rag, and took a deep shaky breath.  “Morgan?” he called out.  Morgan came around, and from the look on his face they both knew that he had heard every word of her story.  “Promise me somethin’, man?”

Morgan nodded.

“Take care of her like she’s one of yer own.  If you plan on moving on, please stop here at this spot on yer map.  That’s where we’re at.  We can help get you a vehicle, any supplies you need.  Just… promise me you’ll come, at least so I can say goodbye….”

“I promise, Daryl.”  He held out his hand to Daryl, who took it and shook it firmly.

He turned back to Carol, and kneeled between her knees again.  He took her hand in his and stared at it a moment, rubbing it gently with his thumb.  Not looking at her, he softly said, “We’ll be back sometime soon.”  He stood, leaning over he took her face in both hands gently, and placed a soft kiss to her forehead.  She closed her eyes.  “Goodbye,” he whispered.  She didn’t open her eyes again until he was gone, simply held her hand to her mouth and cried softly.

* * *

 

Daryl took off in the direction of the ravine.  His mind was reeling.  Michonne was at his side momentarily, and she silently took the lead back toward Alexandria.  The moved at a brisk pace, knowing Daryl was fueled by heartache and fury.  They nearly made it all the way back to Alexandria before dark.  The sun was getting ready to set when they came upon the walls.  There were several walkers headed toward them.  Michonne took out two with the deft swipe of her sword.  Daryl took a much more physical approach with the third, kicking it in the legs breaking them, sending the walker to the ground.  He quickly stomped both arms, breaking those.  He pulled his knife from the sheath and proceeded to stab the walker in the head over and over and over again.  The spray of the blood off the blade covered his face and all down his front, and there was little left to the walker’s head but mush by the time he was done stabbing with his knife.

He walked to a nearby tree and sat down, pulled a crumpled cigarette from his pocket and lit it.  He held it shakily to his mouth, inhaling long and hard.  Michonne sat down next to him, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip.

She bumped his shoulder gently, to get his attention. 

“You hear her story?” he asked, to which she nodded.

“She’s a strong woman, Daryl.”

“No shit, I know that more than anybody.”

“I know it hurts, but let her have this time to heal.  It’s not just the physical wounds that need time, but the emotional ones too.”

Daryl took another shaky drag from his cigarette.  He leaned his head back against the tree, eyes closed and let the smoke slowly out of his lungs.  Michonne stood up, “Come on, Dixon.  Sun is setting, let’s go get you cleaned up.”  She held out her hand to him, which he took and she helped pull him to his feet.  With a hand on shoulder, she helped gently guide him back to the gates.

Rick was waiting on the other side.  When Daryl caught sight of him, he just stopped and hung his head.  Michonne but a hand on Daryl’s back and pushed him forward, “Rick, walk with us.”  Michonne led the way back to Aaron’s house, where Eric stood smiling softly on the front porch.  “Eric, make sure he gets cleaned up.  I’m going to fill Rick in, and we’ll chat in a bit.”  Eric came down and slung an arm around Daryl’s, and led him quietly up the stairs.

“Come on, sugar.  The showers awaits.”  He led Daryl up the stairs to his bathroom, started the shower and put out the towels for Daryl.  “I’ll leave you your clean clothes outside the door.  Got supper waiting for you downstairs.”  He shut the door behind him, leaving Daryl standing alone as the room filled with steam.

* * *

 

“Michonne, what happened?” asked Rick.  They were seated on Rick’s porch. 

“You’re not going to believe this, but we found Carol,” she smiled.  Rick looked on, confused.

“She’s alive, Rick.  She’s not a walker.”

“Then where is she?  Why isn’t she here?  Was she captured by somebody?”

“Whoa there, easy boy.  She’s fine!  Not FINE fine.  She’s alive.  And get this, she’s with Morgan of all people.  He found that map you left behind in Georgia and made his way up here.  He found Carol, took her back to this bunker, and is taking care of her.”

Rick had both hands on the top of his head, ruffling his curls, look of utter disbelief on his face. 

“Oh my… but that doesn’t explain why she’s not here?”

“She fought off some walkers, took a fall.  She’s all banged up, it would have been dangerous for her to come back with us.  But here’s the thing, Rick.  She doesn’t want to come back.”

Rick was on his feet, arms swung wide out to his side, “why not?  We’re her family?”

Michonne raised her hands, as if in surrender.  “There’s more to the story.  It’s not all my story to tell, but what happened to the girls, Lizzie and Mika…. Carol needs some time away to process that.  She’s strong as they come, Rick.  But sometimes the act of being that strong, actually makes you weak.”

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience…” he said softly. 

“She agreed to visitors, Daryl may go back soon, didn’t want to leave the community shorthanded.”

“She gonna be okay?”

“I think so, but I can’t say for sure if she’s going to come back here.”

“Ever?”

Michonne just shrugged.  “She needs time.” 

Rick stood tall, ands behind his head and sighed heavily.  “Okay, guess I’m going to go talk to Daryl,” and he was bounding down the stairs.

“Rick? Be careful, he’s one hurting puppy.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rick was greeted at the door by Aaron, he motioned for him to come on inside and to the backyard where the fire was going in the pit.  Eric was already out there, seated on the bench with the now freshly showered Daryl.  He sat beside Daryl, his legs tucked up under him, and his arm out on the back of the seat behind Daryl.  Rick smiled a half smile seeing Daryl accept the small gesture of comfort from Eric.  They weren’t sitting snug together, but given that Daryl was allowing Eric to even sit within feet of him spoke volumes. 

Aaron handed Rick a beer, and led him outside.  Daryl ignored Rick as he took a chair to the other side of Daryl.  There were two empty bottles in front of Daryl, and he was working on a third, staring blankly into the flames.

Rick reached out a hand to Daryl’s shoulder, giving him a squeeze.  “Michonne filled me in.”

Daryl blinked, and took a long sip from his bottle, not meeting Rick’s eyes. 

“I’m going to have her bring me out in a couple weeks to check up on Carol.  Would you like to come with?  We can let Deanna know in advance and make sure all the shifts have proper coverage.  Could stay a couple days…”

Daryl shook his head.  He tipped back the bottle and swallowed what was left.  “She ain’t ever coming back, best forget she ever existed.”  He threw his beer bottle at the wall where it smashed to pieces, and walked away into the house leaving Aaron, Eric, and Rick in stunned silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was supposed to be writing that paper for my class, but... This came out instead. :D 
> 
> What's next? Daryl is not in a good place emotionally, poor guy keeps getting put through the wringer. Keep your fingers crossed that this fella gets some fluff before the story is done. :)


	7. My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A calmer chapter, Daryl has a sweet conversation with Maggie, and Rick talks with Carol.

Daryl lay in his bed, tossing and turning. It had been hours since he went to bed, but he simply could not put his mind to rest long enough to fall asleep. It had been a devastating turn of events for him over the past several months, with the most significant blows having taken place within the past week. He just wanted it to end. So very tired of losing people, so very tired of the constant emotional upheaval, what he wouldn't give to turn back time about five years and be back in some dive bar with Merle playing pool and getting drunk on whiskey. Life was so much easier then. But then the damn world had to turn itself upside down, and give him feelings and a family and things that were important to him. Things he hadn't cared about ever before. Damn the stupid apocalypse.

He finally gave up trying to sleep, quietly padded down the stairs and out the front door. He grabbed his lighter and cigarettes on the way out. Sitting quietly on the top stair of the porch, his face lit up in the glow from his lighter, and he inhaled hard and deep. He rake his free hand through his hair a few times, and rubbed his eyes. With the lack of sleep they were feeling dry and irritated, which did nothing to aid his already foul mood. He heard the sound of quiet footsteps, and looking to his left was surprised to see Maggie walking down the road. She had her head down, and hands shoved deep in her pockets, she wasn’t aware that he was even there. What was she doing out at this hour? It had to be 2 in the morning, there were no shift changes at this hour. What was she up to?

He took another long drag from his cigarette, and stubbed out what was left of it. He tucked it beside the rail post to save for later. “Hey Mags, what are you doing up?” he asked. She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, and smiled when she realized it was him. “Geez, you scared me! Couldn’t sleep,  thought some fresh air would do me good. What about you?”

“Mm, same.” He patted the step beside him, beckoning her to come and sit.

“What’s eating you?” She asked, sitting down beside him. She pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them to keep out the damp chill of the night air.

“What isn’t? Did Rick tell you?”

“About Carol? He told us before we turned in for the night.  He told us to give you some time, and to be patient with you.” She leaned in gently, bumping her shoulder to his. “So, here I am breaking the rules. How are you doing?”

“Oh, you rebel,” he smirked. “You know me,  ain’t handling it well. Or proper, or however the hell we’re supposed to ‘handle’ things these days.”

“ Lemme guess, you’re 'angry Daryl', with the harsh words and the squinty intimidating glares?”

“Topped off with a case of ‘being a major dick’ too.” Maggie giggled at that. 

“Oh, hon….. I wish there was something I could do.”

“ Ain’t a thing anybody can  do. Is what it is.” 

Maggie hummed in response. She looked to the sky, “So many stars tonight. The good thing about lack of streetlights, you can see so many more stars than before the Turn.”

He nodded, looking up checking out the major constellations.

“Nights like this, when I can’t sleep. It’s usually  cuz I’m missing my Dad… and Beth.”

Daryl’s face fell at the mention of Hershel and Beth. Hershel was like a surrogate dad to him. He was a wise man filled with good sense and even better advice. And Beth, a sweet song bird who gave him hope in some of his darkest hours. There was no saving Hershel that day at the Prison, but Daryl had tried in vain to save Beth, to get her back from Grady, to give some hope back to the group. Unfortunately, Beth had pulled a wild card which ended with her losing her life. It was a huge blow to the group to lose someone so young, so light and full of love. 

“But I can look to the sky. It’s the same sky we had back in Georgia, same moon, same stars. All I have to do is look up, and I feel like I’m home.”

“Hmm… I like that.”

“I bet you anything, that Carol is looking up there right now, and see those very same stars too.”

He frowned at the mention of her name. 

“She’s not doing this on purpose, to hurt you. You know that, right?”

He nodded. “Doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Well, you know how you were always stepping away from the group, to find water or go hunt while we were on our way here?”

He nodded.

“That was your way of dealing with things, right?”

He nodded again.

“She was patient with you. Let you do your thing so you could get to a better place inside that head of yours. Maybe you ought to think about doing the same for her?”

Daryl almost immediately went defensive, but chose to bite his tongue instead. Maggie was wise beyond her years, and twice as sweet. He knew she was only trying to help, and give him a different perspective on things.

“I’ve always had Carol’s back. Always. I thought she had mine. But... she don’t want to come back here.”

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have your back.  Michonne didn’t go into grand detail, but from what I gather, Carol is taking this tim e to pull herself back together. She’s got your back, she’s doing this so she can ‘get better.’ I’ve no doubt in my mind that we’ll see Carol back within these walls again.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s this beautiful thing called ‘hope.’ There’s always room for hope. I was thinking on it tonight a bit, and remembered this quote. ‘We’ve all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.’”

“Harry Potter? Damn, I figured you’d go quoting the Bible or something.”

“You know Harry Potter?” Maggie almost squealed, “Glen has not seen the movies or read the books.”

“Tell that idiot he don’t know what he’s missing.”

Maggie laughed out loud, and then covered her mouth realizing the late hour and not wanting to wake anybody up. 

“I can’t believe you know Harry Potter. Never took you to be much of a reader.”

“Hey now, I may be no good white trash, but I’m well read. I won’t go  quotin ’ you no sonnets or  nothin ’, but I’m all about good books.”

“Well,  ya learn something new every day. How’d you come across Harry Potter?”

He shrugged, “Back at the prison. Patrick left the book out once, I read it to Judith one night. Couldn’t put the damn thing down, read it straight through. On my runs with  Michonne , I kept my eyes out for rest of the books. Just finished the series a few days before all hell broke loose.”

“Hmm… I’m glad you got to read all the books. Say, we might need to start a book club here!” her eyes lit up.

“What? No way, this is top secret. You have your fancy little book club, I’ll be a closet book worm, thank you very much.”

“Party pooper,” she gave his arm a friendly shove. They sat together for a few moments longer, quietly observing the stars in the sky. She finally turned to him, “I’m glad we had this little chat. I’m  gonna head back now, see if I can get some rest. I’ll pray for you, I know you don’t want or need that, but I’m  gonna anyway.” She patted his knee and stood up. “You’re a good man, Daryl Dixon. Chin up, don’t lose hope.” She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and was back up the sidewalk heading home.

Daryl gave a half smile after her. He shook his head, and relit the remains of his cigarette. When he smoked it all the way down to the filter, he stubbed it out and went back inside. Sleep came easier, and he managed to get in a few hours of rest before the sun came up.

 

* * *

 

 

Daryl was awakened to the scent of coffee, as was the usual in Aaron and Eric’s home. He groaned at the thought of having to get up for the day, but knew he couldn’t hide out in bed forever. He got himself cleaned up and dressed, made his way down to the kitchen. 

“Good morning, beautiful!” sang Eric.  He handed Daryl a mug of black coffee, and gestured for him to sit at the table. “The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s going to be a beautiful day!” Eric was smiling from ear to ear, it was almost infectious. Almost. Daryl stared blearily into his mug of coffee. Aaron made his appearance, and Eric, per usual, accosted him with hugs and kisses and his own cup of coffee. Eric gently shoved Aaron over to the table to sit down too. “Good morning, Daryl.” His statement was devoid of his typical cheer, but Daryl figured that was on account of him being a giant bag of dicks lately to both to them.

“ Mornin ’. I uh… I owe you both an apology. I’ve been a… giant bag of dicks lately.  M’sorry for that.” He took a sip of coffee, and looked up to see two smiling faces looking back at him.

“Oh honey, apology accepted!” Eric answered for both of them, smiling sweetly. 

“Just  gonna give you fair warning, I’m still rough ‘round the edges. But, I’m trying.”

“I appreciate your candor, Daryl. Eric and I, we’re pretty patient people. You can’t run us off that easily.” 

  
“Alright, well, I’m  gonna go work on the bike. Should be ready this afternoon and we can plan our next recruiting run.” He excused himself from the table and escaped to the garage, welcoming the smell of motor oil and grease. He opened the garage door to let in the sun and the fresh air, and set to work.

Rick was on patrol that morning and caught Daryl’s eye as he passed by. Rick just gave a small nod and continued on his way. Daryl put down the part and tools he was working on, and walked briskly out of the garage to catch up. “Hey Rick, wait a sec…”

Rick was surprised to hear Daryl call after him, he turned, “Hey Daryl, what’s up?”

Daryl stood in front of him, wiping his hands off on a greasy rag. “Just wanted to apologize, been a dick lately and all.  Ain’t right, I am sorry.”

Rick nodded and smiled, and placed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder. “I won’t say it’s alright, but I do understand.”

“ I’m trying, to make this all work and stuff , promise. What else I got to do anyhow?” It was a legitimate question. He wasn’t sure how life was going to be without Carol there. Even though they didn’t work together or spend a lot time together, just her presence was enough to make any old place feel like home to him. He had a hard enough time getting used to the idea of Alexandria with Carol, how was he going to survive it without her?

“Don’t give me an answer just yet, I want you to think it over, for real. I am going to go pay a visit to Carol soon. I think it might be a good idea if you came too.”

Daryl nodded, “No promises, but I’ll think on it.”

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, Aaron and Daryl had just returned from an uneventful 10 day recruiting run. They had found a couple recently abandoned camps, but nothing to suggest that people were still in the area . He was unloading supplies from Aaron’s car when Rick strode up in his “street clothes.” He was packing his Colt Python on his hip, and had his bag slung over his shoulder. He gave Daryl a friendly pat on the back, “I know you’re just getting home but we’re getting ready to head out.”

Daryl shook his head. “I know it makes me a jerk, but I’m going to pass this time.” Rick just stared at him for a moment before nodding his head, “Okay.” Daryl went back to unloading, while Rick walked quietly away. He was leaving with  Michonne and Glenn, who were already waiting for him at the gate. They were going to be taking a vehicle out, cutting their travel time significantly but also hoping to get some supplies while they were out. Daryl knew he should be joining them, but he just couldn’t bring himself to go. He was finally starting to feel ‘normal’ again, without the ever present aching hole in his heart. He didn’t want to risk going with them, for fear of ripping that hole even further open. Carol need her time to heal, so maybe that’s truly what he needed as well. He couldn’t let them leave though, without them delivering a small message for him. He jogged after Rick, and caught up with him before he reached the gate. “Can you give her a message for me?” Rick smiled and nodded. “Tell her...Tell her I miss her, and to stay safe.”

Rick gave him a mini-salute, “Will do.” He hopped into the back of the Jeep, and Daryl shut the gate after them.

* * *

 

  
“Carol?” Rick called out quietly. He,  Michonne , and Glen had made it to the bunker, but didn’t see Morgan nearby at all.

“Rick?” She appeared from behind the knoll. “Oh, Rick! And Glenn!  Michonne !” She grabbed each one into a tight bear hug. “Daryl?” she asked. Rick grimaced slightly, and shook his head. “He did tell me to tell you, he misses you and to stay safe.” Carol’s eyes teared up slightly at Daryl’s message. She had so hoped to see him, to apologize for hurting him and explain further her need for this time away. “Oh,” her voice did sound obviously disappointed. “Maybe next time?” 

Rick nodded. “Where’s Morgan at?”

“He’s around here somewhere. Sometimes he pops off for a small run, check out the scenery, stuff like that. Last time he went to the library for new books, go figure.”

“I brought you something.” He handed her a bag, which she took and almost dropped. It was heavy.

“What’s this?” she asked. She opened the zipper, and inside found her old clothes. The cargo pants, and her boots. “Oh! My boots! Thank goodness, because these damn sensible shoes are not so sensible in a post-apocalyptic world!”

“Wait, does this mean…” her face suddenly went grim , thinking Rick was once again ousting her from the group. Not that she was a part of the group anymore, necessarily, but even despite this time away from them, she still considered them family .

“No,  no. It’s all good.  I just had  Michonne pack some of your things. Figured you’d be more comfortable, didn’t know what you had for stuff here. ”

Carol breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, she was thrilled to have her old clothes back. While the bunker was well supplied with food, water, and basic first aid, it did not have a supply of women’s clothing. She was making do with her 'Susie Homemaker' outfit, but the ballet flats that she had for shoes she was ready to toss straight into the fire.

"Thank you for bringing these, really appreciate it." She smiled up at him. He found it hard to look directly back at her. Her bruises were fading, but still left her skin mottled yellow and green. She walked with a slight limp, and her arm was still in the sling.

"How you doing?" he asked, pointing to her arm. 

"Oh, have to sling it when I overdo it. Just bad sprains. Trying to keep up with Morgan, pull my weight..."

"Well, take it easy or you'll be of no use to anybody." He immediately regretted his choice of words. "Wait, no, that's not how I meant to say that..."

"I know what you're saying, and you're right. Need to learn to take it easy."

"How are you doing, otherwise?"

"One day at a time." Her lips were pressed into a grim thin line, knowing what he was referring to. She suspected that Michonne or Daryl had shared her story with him. She was not going to repeat it to him, or even discuss it. That was just her way, she dealt with her issues inwardly, not wanting to be a burden on anyone.

Rick reached out an rubbed her forearm, "You do whatever is right and best for you, pay no mind to anybody else."

She gave him a small smile and nodded, wishing desperately for a change of subject. So she took matters into her own hands. "Y'all planning on staying, or you on a run?"

"On a run, but I wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing. Was hoping to see Morgan, but that can happen another time. I don't want to disturb you, so we'll be getting out of your hair."

She was truly disappointed for such a brief visit, but knew they had important matters to attend to. With the arrival of their group in Alexandria, the needs of the community had almost doubled which meant supplies were used up nearly twice as fast. They had to travel even further now to find the items they needed as so many local places had already been cleaned out.

Rick gave her a long but gentle hug goodbye, and she reciprocated, giving Michonne and Glenn hugs too. As they began to walk away, her heart jumped into her throat. As much as she knew she needed this time for herself, she missed her family tremendously. "Wait, Rick?" she called after them. He turned as she limped her way briskly to him. "I, um.... I'm not sure where to start."

"Just tell me?"

"Ok, well... I didn't come back with Daryl because of my injuries. I needed time to heal physically. But I also needed to heal emotionally."

"That... Oh, Carol... you don't have to justify your choices. I get it, I've been there..."

"Thank you. Do you think... someday.... If I want to come back, will you have me? Us?"  She had not discussed with Morgan what his plans were, but went with the assumption that his goal was still to meet up with Rick again someday soon.

"Of course," he almost scoffed. He owed Carol, more than anyone. She had saved their group, and saved Judith. Without her, they wouldn't even be standing where they were that day.

"Will Daryl?"

"What do you mean?"

She looked down, wringing her hands, "He's hurt, angry."

Rick nodded.

"I'll only come back if he approves it." She looked back up at his eyes, hoping for acceptance and understanding, instead she was greeted with a look of friendship and love.

"You know he will. He may be angry. He may stay angry forever, even if he never chooses to speak to you again he'll have you back. Don't ever doubt his feelings for you, and I'm not talking anger. You two have something special that I can't even put into words. You're two halves of a whole, you're better together than apart. But... I get it. You've spent so much time trying to BE strong, that you inadvertently made yourself weak. You're not just taking this time just for yourself, you're doing this for him. Am I right?"

Carol's breath hitched in her chest, and tears threatened to spill over. She had her hand on her mouth, trying to gather the strength to keep herself together. She nodded at Rick, every word he spoke was true. He got it. Someone finally understood without her having to rip her emotional guts out and tell the  wrenching story of The Grove. And having Rick respect her need, just enforced her love for her 'family.'

Rick pulled her into a tight hug, and before releasing her, he whispered into her ear, "You ALWAYS have a place with us. Always. When you're ready, come home."

She watched them as they walked away. Home. Is that what Alexandria was for them now? Home? She liked the warm feeling she got when she thought of that word, Home. With a smile, she grabbed her bag that Rick dropped off, and went into the bunker. She changed out of her 'Susie Homemaker' clothes, and back into her cargo pants, boots, and a tank top. These clothes, they felt like home too. She wrapped her arms around her waist, almost hugging herself, her face bright with the first genuine smile she had in ages. Things were looking up again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the comments and kudos! This was a much less emotional chapter, I think I'll be finishing the story up with the next chapter. :)


	8. Always On My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump, and Daryl finally makes the choice to go visit the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sooooo sorry for taking so damn long to bring you this next chapter. I had this written up, plus three alternative "endings" whipped up and waiting to be fine tuned when a family medical emergency happened. My son spent 4 days in a pediatric intensive care unit, and an additional 2 days under observation. He's fine now, but naturally my head was with him and not in the fanfiction world. Took me a little while to get back into the swing of things. I saw a post on Tumblr listing THIS story as one of several stories a TWD fan was following, and was immediately struck with guilt for not getting this to you sooner. So, grad schoolwork be damned, here's a new installment. I hope to have an additional chapter coming soon, once I can figure out which of the three I want to go with (or maybe I can weave them together?) Will see. Read on, I hope you enjoy it! :)

A few months have passed since Daryl last saw Carol in the woods at the bunker.  In that time he’s gone on several successful recruiting runs with Aaron.  Alexandria is growing, albeit slowly.  Six new survivors now call it “home.” Abraham has had tremendous success in extending the wall, enclosing 2 additional homes within the community.  Daryl continues to live with Aaron and Eric, enjoying their easy no-nonsense friendship.  He regularly spends time at Rick’s home, enjoying his time watching Judith and Carol when Rick is on constable duty.  

Daryl particularly enjoys the night shift, reading Harry Potter to Judith to lull her to sleep.  Carl is easy, and does his own thing.  He could very easily manage Judith on his own, but Daryl enjoys his company and wants Carl to have the free time to do “kid stuff.”  After the kids have gone to bed, he can often be found in Carol’s old room.  It was weeks before he could bring himself to go near her room, her clothes, pillows, bed sheets still held her scent.  He knew Rick had Michonne pack her things to bring back to her, he manage to hold back her copy of Tom Sawyer, the Survivors of Child Abuse book they both found while looking for Beth back in Atlanta, and her muted red scarf she was wearing when they reunited after Terminus. On those quiet nights at Rick’s, he retreats to her room, and either lays on the bed or sits on the floor reading.  He often falls asleep with a book in hand, rarely awakening when Rick comes home and covers him with a blanket.

Rick still visits Carol every few weeks, each time Daryl opts out of joining him.  Daryl is not aware that Rick has spoken at length with Morgan, and even gone so far as to interview him with Deanna back in Alexandria.  Morgan has chosen to not join the community or make any such plans until Carol is ready to move on from the bunker.

Daryl still thinks often of his last visit with Carol, and has not sent any new messages to her through Rick since Rick’s first visit to the bunker.  On Rick’s second return trip, Michonne gave him a solid hug and said it was from Carol.  Subsequent trips brought a jasper stone, a book of Edgar Allan Poe’s works, and most recently a single Cherokee Rose blossom.  Daryl has it pressed between the pages of the Edgar Allan Poe book, which he keeps in Carol’s top bureau drawer.  

Rick had presented that blossom to him with a solemn look on his face. Daryl’s breath had hitched in his throat, he had swallowed hard when he saw it, at first afraid to reach out and take the bloom from Rick.  “Does this mean she’s saying goodbye?” he had asked.

“There was talk of her and Morgan moving on, but it was not decided if that meant she was returning to the community or trying her luck somewhere else.”

He had only nodded, and turned away from Rick, holding the blossom so gently in his palm.  “She at least gonna come here and say goodbye?” his voice barely audible.

“I don’t know…” Rick’s voice trailed off. "But if you ever thought about going to see her, you might want to go sooner rather than later." He put his arm around Daryl’s shoulders, in a half hug.  Squeezed him, and continued on down the road, leaving Daryl to his thoughts.  Daryl fell back into his dark and angry ways for several days after that.  He was thankful that his friends and family gave him wide berth and respected his need for time alone.  Eric was typically the first to seek him out during those dark days, just to check in, or offer a brief chat.  Aaron always let him be, just giving him a respectful nod in greeting or departure.  They had gotten to a place where they were able to almost communicate without spoken words.  This was a huge benefit on their runs, and more so when Daryl just couldn’t deal with people.

Nobody knew it, but on better days, he’d have regular meetings with Eric discussing the past.  They had reviewed the Treating Survivors of Child Abuse book together, and Eric helped him to learn new coping mechanisms to keep his anger in check on bad days.  It still didn’t help too much when it came to thinking of Carol, but he was learning to process his feelings as they came.  

On a particularly good run of days, Daryl actually invited Aaron out rabbit hunting with him.  Aaron was floored and of course very eager to join Daryl.  Their work relationship was slowly growing toward friendship, and they were getting good about sharing life stories and whatnot.  Daryl was heading toward the gate after having spent the night with the kids at Rick’s house when Aaron greeted him from his porch.  “Just getting my pack together, I’ll meet you at the gate in a few minutes.”  

Moments later, Olivia was handing over guns and pulling back the gates for them.  They set out at an easy pace heading west.  Once again, Aaron found Daryl wandering a bit aimlessly, brows furrowed.  The gears were clearly turning in his mind.  

"Something on your mind?"

As usual, Daryl took his time answering.  "I uh... I think I need to go see Carol.  You solid if we need to spend the night out?"

Aaron could barely contain a grin.  This was a huge step forward for Daryl, who had only recently come out of his months of darkness and brooding.  "Sure thing, absolutely!  I think that's a fantastic idea, and I'm sure it would do wonders for you.  Let's pick up the pace, shall we?"

Daryl nodded, and picked up speed.  Aaron was soon huffing trying to keep up, Daryl was practically running.  Within a couple hours, they were coming up on the knoll.  As they came around to the bunker side, Daryl stopped in front of the fire pit.  His face fell.  It had rained a couple days prior, and he could see it had been at least that long since the fire pit was used.  Could that mean that Carol and Morgan were not there?  Were they already long gone?

He ran to the other side of the knoll and found the bunker sealed.  He managed to pick the lock on the exterior, and using a flashlight he stepped inside.  Everything was neatly in it's place.  There were still some canned goods lining the shelves.  Two cots were in the corner with their thin mattresses rolled up, and they were covered in a sheet to keep off the dust.  There was nothing there to indicate whether they had been there in at least a couple days.  It was too late.  He was too late.

"No....." he raked his hand through his hair, fisting it tightly in his hands.  "Fuck!"

"Are they gone?" asked Aaron.  He stood within the doorway.

"I'm too late.  I wanted to talk to her, try to fix things.  Tell her I understand why she needed to be away.... I wanted to at least be able to say 'goodbye' if that's what it came down to.  But.... Fuck.  My dumb ass was too fucking late."  He was furious with himself, he had spent so much time dealing with his own shit that he didn't get a chance to make things right with her.  "FUCK!" he swung a fist straight into the concrete wall half a dozen times, until his knuckles were bleeding.  Aaron ran to him, grabbed an arm to try and stop him from hurting himself further, but Daryl swung back effectively shoving Aaron back with his elbow and knocking him to the ground.  Daryl spun around, fist raised like he was ready to pummel Aaron.  

Aaron raised his arm into a defensive posture, and just before Daryl was to take a swing, he stopped.   He caught himself before he let lose his fury on Aaron.  He backed himself back into the wall that he had just punched with his hand, and slid to the floor.  Hands over his eyes, "FUCK!  I'm sorry man...."

Aaron remained frozen in place, and could hear Daryl's ragged breaths, and see him across the way with his hands covering his face.  "Leave it to me to fuck shit up..." he heard him mutter to himself.

A few moments later, Daryl dropped his hands to his side and leaned his head back against the wall, eyes closed.  "I'm sorry man, I fucked up.  Didn't mean to take a swing at ya."

"Its... It's okay, Daryl, I understand."

"Don't make it right though."

Aaron sighed. He knew Daryl felt terrible for taking that swing at him.  It was not intentional, but it happened nonetheless.  

"You'll make it up to me someday, save my ass.  We're friends, right?"

Daryl nodded.  

"And as a friend, can I ask you something?"

Daryl opened his eyes, and sat up, looking to Aaron.  "Mmm."

"Are you in love with Carol?  Were you?"

"Huh?" Daryl was having difficulty comprehending Aaron's question.

"She's your girl, right?  Two halves make a whole.  She completes you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, you're in love with her."

Daryl snorted.  "I ain't no damn idiot, wouldn't I know if I was?"

Aaron smiled, and scoffed.  "You'd be surprised.  Sometimes it jumps up and bites you when you least expect it.  You might say she's your best friend, but even I can see she's more than that."

"More than that?"

"I think you love her.  No, I know you do.  I meant what I said, you're two halves, the perfect yin and yang.  You guys are meant to be together, you balance each other out.  Just because you've never had romantic thoughts of her doesn't mean you're not in love with her."

"Seriously dude, who's got time for that romance novel shit these days?"

"Are you blind?  Eric and I? Maggie and Glenn?  Abraham and Rosita?  Rick has an eye on Jessie, which he needs to be mindful of, but... you get the idea.  Right?"

"Never really thought of it that way before..." he stretched his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles.  Fidgeting with the knife on his belt.

"Okay, I'm not stupid.  You sleep in her room those nights you're at Rick's with the kids.  Your every thought has been of her safety.  You risked your life just to try and get her back when things went south in Atlanta.  From what I gather, you've done that on more than just one occasion."

"I'd do it all again in a heartbeat just to have her back..."

"Not everyone is lucky enough to fall in love or even meet their person in this lifetime, especially given the current status of the world."

"And I was just unlucky enough to have lost it all before it even began.  Damn fool I am..."  He huffed and gathered his feet beneath him, pulling himself to standing.  "Ain't nothing I can do now, no damn tracks to follow, I was too fucking late."

"I am sorry Daryl.  Want to just head back? We can do the rabbit hunt another time."

"We'll close this up.  I'll send Michonne and Rick to empty the place out, could use the supplies back home."

Aaron stood at Daryl's side and gingerly patted him on the back.  "Come on, I'm willing to bet there's some beer and serious spaghetti waiting for us back home."

 

* * *

 

Several hours later, they were back at the gates.  Michonne greeted them with a wide smile.  

"How goes the hunt Dare-bear?"

"Not in the mood for your games 'chonne."  Michone frowned slightly, and looked to Aaron who merely shrugged.  

"Well, something tells me your luck is about to change."  She took a step back, clearing the way and pointing him in a direction back toward their home.  "Go see Rick, he was looking for you earlier."

Daryl was already walking away with his head hung low, when Aaron glanced back at Michonne.  She could not contain herself, her smile was wide.  

"Care to share?" he asked.

"Oh, Daryl is in for the surprise of his life. If you want a good show I suggest you go follow him."

Aaron cocked his head, and smiled back at her, not sure why but he suddenly had a good feeling.  He was maybe 20 feet behind Daryl when he caught up to him outside of Rick's house.  Daryl was still on the road, and there was a small gathering of people on the porch.  He saw the crowd part, he could see the tears, and hear the sniffles.  He watched as Daryl stopped in his tracks, staring, his mouth open.  He took a few weak steps backward, and both his crossbow and his pack fell from his shoulders.


	9. Kiss the Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gets something back, something very precious to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! Please enjoy this next chapter, I am not sure if I am concluding it here or not simply because the next steps in a relationship I am totally not comfortable with writing yet. (I'm still getting back into the swing of things, writing-wise.) But... never say never, right? :) If more is added, I'll turn it into a series or something. I've got other WIP's that need some serious attention, as well as a few chapters on a new story which is RIXONNE based. I get giddy little goosebumps thinking about Rick, Daryl, and Michonne. Squeeeeee! LOL!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me this far! You can find me here, on Tumblr, and on Twitter. I'm open to accepting prompts as well, but am not sure how quickly I will get to them. Never hurts to ask though, right? :D  
> http://fandomlifetookmyhandandsaidrun.tumblr.com/  
> https://twitter.com/FndmLife4ever

Down the stairs came a slim figure, boots with multiple buckles, cargo pants, form fitting top, grey haired beauty.  Daryl’s hands went to his hips, and his head hung low.  Aaron could see the breath catch in his chest, and Carol walked hesitantly toward him.  She took his face gently in her hands, leaning up and kissing his forehead.  She pulled his head up tenderly, so that his eyes were level with hers.  

Aaron could see the people on the porch, enraptured watching as Carol worked her magic on Daryl.  Turning him from a man of stone, into putty in her hands.  His eyes were closed, and he was leaning into her touch, his chin quivering.  A tear leaked from one of his eyes, and his voice cracked as he asked, “is this goodbye?”

She huffed out the beginnings of a tear filled laugh of her own, “No, not quite…” she shook her head.  She sniffled, and wiped a tear from her own eye.  “I’ve come home.  I’m here to stay, if you’ll have me?”

Daryl huffed, and bent over, hands on his knees breathing deep trying to catch is breath as if he had just returned from running a marathon.  “I went to the bunker, you were gone….”

She shook her head, “No, I was on my way here.  We took a roundabout way, scouting the area for supplies.”

He raised himself back up, standing tall in front of her.  She reached up hesitantly, and placed her palms on his chest.  “I hurt you, and I’m sorry.  I owe you an explanation, and…”

“No, you don’t.  You don’t owe me anything.  I was a dick, but I’ve been talking with Eric, but working out some stuff and things, in my head…  We’re cool.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, “Can I come home?”

“Oh woman, it ain’t ‘home’ without you here.”  Her eyes lit up like the stars, they both smiled at each other.  She flung her arms around his neck holding on tight, and he picked her up on off her feet and swung her around gently.  And when he placed her back on her feet again, he put his hands to her face.  Running a thumb over her cheekbone, marveling at her icey blue eyes, and the perfect shade of pink that were her lips.  She had her hands on his face, trailing her fingers over the stubble, down his neck, to the front of his shirt where she fisted it in her hands.  She grinned at him, and suddenly struck with an intensity of emotion, she yanked him down to her and planted her lips on his.  His eyes flew open, stunned!  But then he melted, reciprocating her kiss and wrapping his arms around her tight.

They’d forgotten there was a world existing around them, but Glenn brought them round by bursting out singing, “...sing with me now, sha la la la la la, my oh my, look like the boy AIN’T to shy….”  Carol and Daryl pulled apart, Carol ran her hand to her mouth and burst out giggling.  Maggie smacked Glenn playfully on the back.  The rest of the crowd burst out laughing, but Daryl just glared at Glenn.  “What?  They played Little Mermaid on movie night last week.  Sebastian? The little crab, he tried to help get Prince Eric and Ariel together?.... Come on, you guys know what I’m talking about, right?... Right?”

“You did NOT just compare Carol and I to a Disney movie.”

Glenn grinned, “No, but it’s about damn time that kiss happened.  We’ve been waiting FOREVER!”

There were whoops and cheers all around.  Daryl took Carol snug in his arms again, and whispered in her ear, “Come on, woman.  Let’ go home.”

 

* * *

 

It was many hours later, most of the residents had long since gone to bed.  Carol was already unpacked and settled back in her room.  There had been a modest celebration of her return, Eric whipped up his much coveted Serious Spaghetti.  Wine was passed around, lots of joking and merriment.  Daryl, not used to being the part of such revelry, stayed predominantly to the outskirts of the crowd, his eyes on Carol the entire time.

“You know, she’s not a figment of your imagination.  She’s not going to disappear,” Eric gave Daryl’s shoulder a bump and passed him a bottle of beer.  Daryl took a long sip, not responding.  “Have you guys talked yet?”

Dary shook his head, “mm-mm, no.  She’s only just returned, everybody is busy all fawning over her and shit.”  He frowned, and Eric could see a hint of disappointment on his face.

“Bring her by later, you guys can have the back yard to yourselves.  I’ll even supply the wine, and… she’s a welcome guest in our home, if you get what I mean.”  Eric added a salacious wink and some eyebrow waggling for good measure.

“What the hell man?  We ain’t like that!”

“Yet.  You aren’t like that, yet!”  With a playful grin, he slapped Daryl on the arm and made his way back over to Aaron.  Daryl remained in his spot in the corner, sipping his beer and watching the crowd.  Everyone had a few moments with Carol to welcome her back.  She was positively glowing, in a way he had not seen in quite some time.  Since the prison.  She would steal a moment every now and then to catch his eye and toss a smile his way, as if to remind him, “see? I’m still here.”  

Eventually all that remained here Carl, Rick, Carol and Daryl.  Rick pulled Carol into a firm hug, when he released her, he put his hands on the sides of her head.  “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see that you’re okay. But please, spare our hearts… Don’t ever leave us like that again.”

Carol smiled, and leaned her head into his hands, “I’ve no intention of going anywhere.  I got what I needed, but it was at tremendous expense.” And she nodded her head in Daryl’s general direction.  He was in the corner, deep in conversation with Carl at that moment and didn’t hear Carols’s exchange with Rick.  

“Daryl is…. special.  He’s a different man now than a few months ago.  He’s a much different man than when we first met him.  But… you might be surprised.  He’s had time for some self-reflection.  He’s been doing a lot of reading, and spending time with Aaron and Eric has had a really nice effect on him.”  Rick smiled, and then it faded.  “Eric was studying to be a psychologist, before the turn.  Daryl took your time away pretty hard.  I know he and Eric have had many fireside conversations these past couple months. I could see them from my bedroom window.  Makes me sound like a peeping tom, but it was the only way I could make sure that he was okay.  He wouldn’t let anybody in…”  Rick’s eyes looked far away, lost in a moment of thought.  “We’re all so glad to have you back.”  He pulled Carol back in for one last hug.  “Come on Carl, let's give these two some time alone.”

Carl looked at Carol, and back to Daryl and just smiled.  He followed his dad up the stairs, turning in for the night.  

“So….” Carol pursed her lips, smiling at Daryl.

“So?” he asked.  He stood, with a hand on his hip, picking at the side of his thumb with his teeth.

“Aaron says he’s got a fire and a bottle of wine waiting for us.  You game?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Let me get washed up and changed, I’ll meet you there in a few.”  She smiled at him over her shoulder as she made her way up the stairs to her room.  His eyes followed her the entire way, he could barely contain his shy smile.

 

* * *

 

“So, I guess this is it?” asked Eric.  He was seated next to Daryl on the bench outside by the fire.

“What do you mean?” Daryl gave him a sidelong glance before taking another drag from his cigarette.

“I’m going to miss our chats, learning about Daryl Dixon and what makes him tick.”

Daryl smirked, “No lie, even if it don’t seem it, you helped me out a lot.”

“That makes my heart happy.”

“I may need a refresher, every now and then.  I uh…. I don’t know where this is going.  Life, stuff with Carol, the past… “

Eric did a little theatrical mock gasp, “Does this mean Daryl Dixon actually needs me?”

Daryl shook his head and grumbled, “Yes, it does.”  He huffed, “I learned a lot from you, I need folks in my life. I get it now.”

Eric wrapped himself around Daryl’s arm, and leaned his head against his shoulder.  He felt Daryl flinch, “This is just a small token of my gratitude and appreciation, Daryl. Relax, I’m not trying to get you to swing my way.”  He pulled away, looking Daryl straight in the face, “But if you ever decide to take a walk on the wild side…”  Another shit-eating grin, followed by a few winks, and Eric was up off the bench and bouncing back into the house.

“Good God man, have you no shame?” Daryl hollered after him.

“None at all!” he heard Eric yell back from within the house.

Daryl smiled, shaking his head in amusement.  Eric was a strange creature, but his wit and wisdom had lended a hand in Daryl maintaining his sanity, literally and figuratively, while Carol was away.  He had helped Daryl to open up and learn more about himself, and Daryl felt all the stronger for it.  He sat with his legs outstretched before him, leaning his head into his fist, watching the fire and listening to it crackle.  It was already dark, the stars were out, and the moon was full casting a silvery glow all around him.  He heard soft footsteps, he smiled without even turning to see who it was, he already knew.  

“May I join you?” she asked.  He turned, looking up at her.  Her hair, with the moonlight behind her, gave off a halo effect.  She was radiant.

“Mm-hm,” and he put an arm across the back of the bench and scooted over, giving her room.  She tucked herself in close.  Not quite touching him, but close enough that if she leaned her head back, it would rest on his upper arm.  She had something in her hands that she was clutching tight to her chest.  “What’s that?” he asked.

She handed it to him, and he took it in his other hand, keeping his arm behind her.  It was his Edgar Allan Poe book that she had sent back to him with Rick on one of Rick’s visits to the bunker.

“Did you look inside?” he asked.  She nodded, he could see the glint of tears in her eyes.

“Hey?” he put the book down on his lap, and put a finger under her chin turning her face to his.  “You okay?”

She took a shaky breath but nodded, which spilled a tear down her cheek.  “I’m just… overwhelmed? I think?”  

“Why?” he was genuinely curious.  He had not expected this reaction from her at all.  He was hoping they would just fall right back into their old patterns, as if the previous months of absence had never happened.

“I’m… I’m happy, beyond happy to have been accepted back here.  Honestly, I didn’t expect to receive such a welcoming.”

“So why are you crying?”  She cocked her head a bit, and shrugged.  

“I guess… Do we have to talk about it tonight?  Do you want to?”

“Talk about what?”

Apparently he was clueless, but she kind of expected that.  They had fallen out of sync, or they were simply both changed in a number of ways by being apart, they needed to relearn these new nuances.  

“Well, there was that kiss earlier…”

“Uh-huh…” he smiled.

“But, I guess I’m also sad because you never came to see me.  I had hurt you, and I never got a chance to explain.”

“Ah, that’s not true.  I did come to see you.  You just happened to have not been there.”  He was looking at her in a sidelong manner, speaking very matter of factly.  

“I’m… I was being serious, Daryl.  I’m just confused is all.  I needed to explain to you why I needed to be away.  I wanted to apologize for sending you into a tailspin. And…”

“No need to apologize.”

She turned so she was facing him more, leaning back.  “But…”

“But nothing. I get it.  Back on the road, you told me I had to ‘feel it.’  And that’s how I dealt with my shit.  You had your shit to get together, and you had to do it elsewhere.  I went off in the woods and….”  he cleared his throat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.  “You just needed your time in the woods too.”

“There was more to it than that.  That… Stepford-Wives facade, it was exhausting.  Wasn’t healthy for me.  I wasted so much energy on that when I should have just been focusing on myself.  It made me weak.  I went away so I could learn to be strong again.”

“No. I don’t agree with that.  You’re the strongest person I know.  What you had to do, back at that grove… Ain’t nobody coulda done that.  Ain’t no shame in taking time to yourself so you can be a better person.  I was a giant bag of dicks, just my way of dealing with shit.  Spent some time with Eric, he helped me get my mind straightened out.”

“But…”

“Mm-mm.  You’re here.  That’s all that matters.”

She turned back toward the fire, but was leaning slightly toward him, almost touching.  “So, what about that kiss then….”

“You regret it?”

“Not in the least!  It’s been ages, Daryl.  There’s just something about human touch. I had kinda forgotten...”

He nodded, rubbing fingers over his chin, “Ain’t ever had nothing innocent like that.”

“No relationships?”

He shook his head, looking away.

“Is it something you might be interested in?” She placed a hand gently on his knee, to get his attention and hopefully have him turn her way.

“Can’t imagine my life without you.  You were away a few months, I just about died.”

“I am sorry for that….” she whispered.

He shook his head again, “Water under the bridge, or whatever that saying is.  But I don’t know shit about relationships.”

“Take it slow?”

“Keep it simple?”

She nodded.  “I missed you so much.”

“Oh woman, I missed you more….”

She leaned her head back onto his shoulder, and he pulled her in tight wrapping his arms around her.  He kissed her head, and leaned his cheek against it.  He heard her sigh, and he smiled.  

“So Pookie, wanna fool around?”

 

 


End file.
